Sex Ed Thread Six (Sex, Gender, and Relationship Q&A)

[Dmatix]

-Snip-

First, never feel like yo'ure wasting anyone's time here. We are here to give and receive advice and we're glad to do so.
Although to be honest, I'm not really sure what to say here. I'm woefully inexperienced in the matters of the heart. I do know some people on this thread have experience with Polyamory, so I think it's best I leave this to them. What I can say is don't lose hope, there's a solution for everything.

[opuk0]

Yeah, I guess a month is kind of a short time, and we did kinda talk about possibly moving too fast.

I don't mean to ignore your advice, but I really feel different about this girl than I do with any other I have before. I'm sorry for speaking like that kind of person, but I really feel like she is 'the one'. As ridiculous as that sounds, I really wanna stay with her and make her happy, even if that makes me into a love martyr.

Again, sorry for talking like that kind of person.

[PaladinFoster]

Don't apologize, there is nothing wrong with being romantic. Except that sometimes, you forget that the world isn't quite as absolute as you would like it to be. I know you probably don't want to think about it this way, I sure didn't, but you are almost guaranteed to meet someone in the future who will make you almost completely forget about this girl. There is no reason for you to sacrifice your happiness for her benefit. It would be a cruel injustice to both yourself and to her. Think of how it would pain her to see you in such constant torment. You're free to do what you will, but I implore you to do what is best for the both of you. Remember also, that time heals all wounds in sufficient doses.

[Bandages]

Not that this fact will discount any of your feelings or insights, but may I inquire as to how old you are?

[opuk0]

I am 18, still a spring chicken of life I be...

Spring Chicken of Life, that is my new title

[opuk0]

And it's been somewhatish resolved.

We had a pretty heavy feelings jam about both our situations. I told her how I felt about her and that I knew I was acting selfish for wanting her to love only me. I told her that I thought she was the one for me, but she's scared to rush things because she ended up engaged the last time she did.

Even if only a bit of progress was made, I feel better now that I told her everything, and hopefully she'll come to feel the same way about me in the future.

[Bandages]

Well 18 is a perfectly reasonable age to have intense feelings of connection with other people, romantically. It is also fairly young, and you will meet scores of other people in your life, especially as you mature into an adult over the next half dozen years or so.

Good work communicating your desires in a way that isn't accusatory or assuming. That's a really good skill to have. Proper communication is the cornerstone of any meaningful relationship.

[BewareOfNerd]

My two cents: It's hard to tell if somebody's "the one" if you've only known them for a month. Everyone has dark, unattractive parts of their personality that rarely get exposed. If you still love her after you've seen her at her absolute ugliest (and vice versa) and you still want to be together, then she has a much better chance of being the one.

[meticulousDraftsman]

And as said, sometimes you're just not compatible romantically/sexually.

Also now I'm wondering if the effect prostate stimulation has on ejaculatory strength is direct or indirect

[opuk0]

Something i've been wondering for a bit

Does Viagra only get you up to 100%, or does it get you to 120%?

Basically, does it just get you to your max size, or does it make you bigger

[AdurnaFricai]

I think I have a slightly different thing to bring to the MonoPoly conversation. It seems possible to me that the one who needs to change is you. Think seriously about what you find wrong with polyamory. If it's just jealousy, perhaps get to know C more. It seems to me that you're the only one stopping everyone involved from being happy.

[kyriaki]

Something i've been wondering for a bit

Does Viagra only get you up to 100%, or does it get you to 120%?

Basically, does it just get you to your max size, or does it make you bigger

It helps you maintain and sustain an erection by dilating the arteries in the penis. It doesn't make it longer or anything like that.

[Dmatix]

I think I have a slightly different thing to bring to the MonoPoly conversation. It seems possible to me that the one who needs to change is you. Think seriously about what you find wrong with polyamory. If it's just jealousy, perhaps get to know C more. It seems to me that you're the only one stopping everyone involved from being happy.

This seems.. rash. It sounds a bit too close to saying to a LGBT person-"what do you find wrong with heterosexuality- you're the one stopping everyone from being happy". If I offend, I apologize, but I don't think someone that is obviously uncomfortable with the idea needs to think the problem is with him.

[kyriaki]

I think I have a slightly different thing to bring to the MonoPoly conversation. It seems possible to me that the one who needs to change is you. Think seriously about what you find wrong with polyamory. If it's just jealousy, perhaps get to know C more. It seems to me that you're the only one stopping everyone involved from being happy.

Some people, if not most, just don't have it in them to be part of a fulfilling poly relationship, and there's nothing wrong with that. Nobody needs to change, if he's not happy with the arrangement then things probably wouldn't work out long-term anyway. (coming clean with her about his misgivings was definitely the right way to go.)

[AdurnaFricai]

Hm, you two have a point. I guess I was kinda biased, since my exposure level makes it hard for me to see polyamorous relationships as inherently different. I'll take your word for it that they are, I've never thought of it as being anything but more of whatever type of relationship a person is interested in.

[Chirijiradin]

Hey.

Still nothing for me to really ask about or tell about a good thing that has happened romance-wise, and I can't subscribe to the thread without having some kind of text here.

[Elementoid]

There's an option to subscribe to a thread under the "Thread Tools" option at the top right of the posting board (under the page numbers).

So for awhile I've been kind of afraid that when I eventually* break into the dating scene I'm going to end up walking into a bad situation without realizing it because of my complete lack of romantic experience* and general social awkwardness. Earlier this week something made me wonder about what I'd do if I ended up in an abusive relationship, and I couldn't honestly answer the question, and that worries me.

*living in a conservative town with religious parents who might go as far as to kick me out. And that matters insofar as I need them to help pay for college

[wrinklefudger]

Can someone explain what exactly genderqueer means? I thought it just mean trans or gender neutral, but apparently that is wrong? I am very confused right now

[Elementoid]

iirc it's a catch-all term for any gender orientation that doesn't fall into the traditional male or female

Wikipedia agrees with me

[wrinklefudger]

iirc it's a catch-all term for any gender orientation that doesn't fall into the traditional male or female

Wikipedia agrees with me

wikipedia is what confused me in the first place

[DecidedlyDevious]

There's an option to subscribe to a thread under the "Thread Tools" option at the top right of the posting board (under the page numbers).

So for awhile I've been kind of afraid that when I eventually* break into the dating scene I'm going to end up walking into a bad situation without realizing it because of my complete lack of romantic experience* and general social awkwardness. Earlier this week something made me wonder about what I'd do if I ended up in an abusive relationship, and I couldn't honestly answer the question, and that worries me.

*living in a conservative town with religious parents who might go as far as to kick me out. And that matters insofar as I need them to help pay for college

Well, dating is all about learning from mistakes. Will you find your hubby on your first date? Probably not. The thing about life is we can't know what will happen or what we will do until they actually happen. Don't worry too much about the future and just enjoy it while it happens and roll with what happens.

Can someone explain what exactly genderqueer means? I thought it just mean trans or gender neutral, but apparently that is wrong? I am very confused right now

Genderqueer is any gender that isn't male or female. It doesn't really apply to trans because they are usually male or female just in the wrong body. It could apply to gender neutral but not exclusively. There's also people who are a middle gender, people who are both genders, people who switch between genders, or people who just don't prescribe to gender at all.

[BewareOfNerd]

Genderqueer is any gender that isn't male or female. It doesn't really apply to trans because they are usually male or female just in the wrong body. It could apply to gender neutral but not exclusively. There's also people who are a middle gender, people who are both genders, people who switch between genders, or people who just don't prescribe to gender at all.

Gender is deceptively complex. You think it's just pink and blue, but look a little closer, and BAM! It's a whole fuckin' rainbow.

[InvaderGIR]

Genderqueer is any gender that isn't male or female. It doesn't really apply to trans because they are usually male or female just in the wrong body. It could apply to gender neutral but not exclusively. There's also people who are a middle gender, people who are both genders, people who switch between genders, or people who just don't prescribe to gender at all.

Actually, "non-binary" is a more inclusive umbrella term for genders that fall outside of male and female. Genderqueer also describes the same thing, but there are non-binaries who don't identify as genderqueer and so non-binary is more inclusive. Trans can apply to non-binaries as well, which is why many put an asterisk in (trans*), however there is still a dominant idea that trans is a binary concept, which is false. In addition, the idea of being "in the wrong body" is not exactly accurate to describe trans people either. There are many who feel that their body is wrong, and experience gender dysphoria. However, many are comfortable with their body, and might change it to suit their presentation, but do not feel it as "wrong". At this point, it's important to distinguish between transgender and transsexual. Transsexual people, as I understand it, get the "body is wrong" feeling, and have intentions to transition. Transgender people, however, simply do not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. You can be one or the other or both or neither. These terms can both apply to non-binary trans people. Trranssexual is not commonly used by non-binary trans people, however there are non-binary transsexuals as well.

As for being "gender-neutral", that's pretty vague, and I haven't really seen it used as a gender identity or as an umbrella term within the trans community. It can apply to presentation, pronouns, etc., but I haven't seen it as an identity in itself. There are a wide range of genders covered under the non-binary and genderqueer umbrellas, including but not limited to agender, neutrois, third gender, othergender, androgyne, bigender, trigender, genderfluid, pangender, post-gender, etc, along with anything in between or outside of these, or even just genderqueer. I could try to give a definition for each if someone wants, but it will probably not be entirely inclusive, since there are just a wide array of genders out there, and it's not possible to accurately define all of them in the way that people identify with them. Genderqueer is also interesting in that it can be a singular identity as well as an umbrella term. As for how just vast gender is, I simply present this:

If I fucked up anywhere, someone could point me out, but I'm just speaking from my experiences and understandings as a genderfluid person. I'm not criticising you DD; I just decided to take this moment to educate.

[Dmatix]

Does postgenderism exist? It's closely related to transhumanism, and from what I gather technology doesn't really allow it yet.

[Stormspirit]

Yes, it exist, but many of the...ideas they bring indeed are quite impossible without the proper technology, which we don't have, for assistive reproduction, which is one of the major point of postgenderism.