Sex Ed Thread Six (Sex, Gender, and Relationship Q&A)

[ArmsAreLoud]

I don't even think I would bang him. It would just be so awkward because I would keep expecting a song to come up and condemn me.

I would just like to say that this is the best response you could have given and I commend you for giving it.

[ArcticDisease]

The number thing: Not necessarily an indication of much of anything. Unless she didn't give her number to you when you first met and then decided to after asking again, it's not likely to have mattered much; numbers are really easy to get from strangers and impossible not to get from people you've met more than three times on even mediocre terms.
Job thing: It's still possibly her liking the job, not just liking you. Not a negative indicator, but not positive.
If you haven't met up with her in a while (especially in the whole five weeks), and you've only hung out a bit beforehand, it may be best to just accept that she's probably flaked. Sending periodic texts might not really hurt anything (if she isn't going to meet up anyway, bugging her with text has no negatives for you), but it could be "over" at this point.

Thanks, that actually helps. I'll try to get in touch with her, I'd actually way prefer to be just outright rejected than... whatever is happening now.

[Freack]

I had a weird experience as a kid with Gene Wilder's raw sexuality.

When I was ... thirteen or so I think, out of the blue, my dad started grilling me, trying to get me to admit that I had a crush on somebody. I just spluttered and felt weird and then he started naming names. Men, women, movie stars, classmates, everybody. And I am still asexual, and then I was also stupid. I had never even really bothered to think about it, and the entire thought process confused the hell out of me.

After the worst five minutes ever, I said that Gene Wilder had really blue eyes.

Not that I thought they were cute.

They were just really blue.

Gog that was weird.

[kyriaki]

Okay, story time. I've had a friend since elementary school, let's call him K. He was my first friend when I first moved to my village. We always had similar interests, both being gamers, liking Family Guy, and having similar senses of humor. Unfortunately, his batshit mom cut off my communications to him a few years back. We decided to hang out again, and I realized how handsome he had become. When he left, I realized something: I have a raging crush on K. The problem? He's either asexual or a closeted gay. What should I do?

My whole take on this is, instead of questioning K's sexuality, why not just tell him how you feel? Let him mull over the idea of a relationship with you, and if he ever does come out and decides he's interested, you'll be ready. It might hurt to get rejected right now, but that way you'll know and then you can start moving on.

Alright so on the number thing: She's really weird about giving it to people due to having stalkers multiple times.
On the job thing: It's an unpaid internship so I doubt that's the reason (she already works on weekends anyway)
And yeah, it is a long time to wait so... I'm just kind of hoping she says something.

if she's had multiple stalkers then it's totally understandable that she'd be leery of contacting you. or maybe she's just used to relationships where guys are calling her all the time? either way yeah, just try talking her to her now.

[deathsbuddy]

I had a weird experience as a kid with Gene Wilder's raw sexuality.

When I was ... thirteen or so I think, out of the blue, my dad started grilling me, trying to get me to admit that I had a crush on somebody. I just spluttered and felt weird and then he started naming names. Men, women, movie stars, classmates, everybody. And I am still asexual, and then I was also stupid. I had never even really bothered to think about it, and the entire thought process confused the hell out of me.

After the worst five minutes ever, I said that Gene Wilder had really blue eyes.

Not that I thought they were cute.

They were just really blue.

Gog that was weird.

Gene Wilder's eyes are really, really blue.

Also, that sounds like it must have sucked. Majorly.

[ArmsAreLoud]

I've had experiences similar to that, only instead of trying to convince my parents I am asexual I had to convince them I'm not gay

I don't think they are even aware asexuality is a thing (I sure wasn't before this forum) so "not dating anyone and not really willing to date anyone" gets defaulted to gay.

[Ace of Dark-Hearts]

I've had experiences similar to that, only instead of trying to convince my parents I am asexual I had to convince them I'm not gay

I don't think they are even aware asexuality is a thing (I sure wasn't before this forum) so "not dating anyone and not really willing to date anyone" gets defaulted to gay.

I don't think I knew about anything regarding sexuality besides homosexuality before coming to these forums. I didn't even know what I was; I just assumed I was a freak

So I guess this thread really is helpful. Good job, everyone

Also, what's worse is pretending that you're a horny 16 year old. My parents ask me if the girls I text on my phone are "cute girls" and make that ridiculous suggestive face that all parents give semi-facetiously, and I'm like, "OH YOU BETCHA, HOO-WEE."

[ArmsAreLoud]

That awkward moment when a girl you are not attracted to in any way other than as friends comes over to your house to work on a school project and your parents keep dropping comments on how you should totally ask her out

[deathsbuddy]

oh that feel

i know that fucking feel

[Ace of Dark-Hearts]

Parents are a strange and exotic creature.

[Freack]

Not really.

A lot of the time they want your happyness, but mostly grand-kids.

Ever since I told my Dad about the asexuality thing a couple of years ago he has taken it really well. In part because he always assumed I was a lesbian.

Also he does not know any of my friends, nor does anyone ever come to my house, so he does not have time for bizarre behavior like that.

[ArmsAreLoud]

I think your father might be the exception to the rule, Freack.

The issue arises when your parents define your happiness as something completely different from the way you define it.

[AdurnaFricai]

Okay, so last time I was here I said some stuff that made me look pretty stupid, and I think I've found a better way of organizing my thoughts. What I said was that I suspect the existence of gender. I can see why a lot of people would be insulted by that, so let me explain a bit better than I did last time. I don't think there's anything non-real about gender, per se, just that I don't think it can be defined as one thing. From what I've seen, it encompasses many, many things, including preferences, a number of identity elements, several biological components, psychological and social elements, and probably other things as well. What I'm saying is that I don't think all of those can be safely grouped as 'gender'. All of them are certainly real, and they vary from person to person, but I don't see why they should be considered one thing. There doesn't seem to be any connection between all of them. Does anyone else understand the train of thought, or am I just grasping at straws or something?

[Milskidasith]

The term gender accurately encompasses the vast, vast majority of people, so I don't really see what the problem with it is. I also don't ever see it defined biologically, unless you get pedantic and say that what you think is biological. It generally is defined as "Sex = genitals, gender = what you identify as." For the vast majority of people, even those transgendered, that either describes things accurately, though for the slightly less vast majority, the difference between gender and sex is nearly nonexistent and not actively thought about. For those where gender and sex don't align, it seems (to me) that most people either wind up identifying as the opposite gender or (more rarely) non-gendered, which still makes the concept of gender seem worthwhile.

[Ace of Dark-Hearts]

I just told my first meatspace comrade about my sexuality

She actually got really confused.

Still not sure if I could tell anyone about my creepy and complicated fetishes.

[ArmsAreLoud]

*checks candycorn*

...It says heterosexual?

Or maybe I am even more color blind than I thought, I don't know

[AdurnaFricai]

Well, someone brought up earlier that biological males and females have slightly different brain chemistry, and that trans people often have it closer to the one they identify as. I hadn't heard of it before, but I figured it would qualify as a biological factor to gender.
I was thinking about clothing choice, pronoun choice, and such as other elements. If someone prefers to be called something certain, or to wear certain things, I don't see why that would be connected to their gender.
It just seems unhealthy to me to try to force so many different things into one, when there are so many ways they can seem to clash if you do so.

[Ace of Dark-Hearts]

*checks candycorn*

...It says heterosexual?

Or maybe I am even more color blind than I thought, I don't know

You are colorblind; it says heteroromantic, you silly willy, you.

Though, to be fair it's not really obvious that it's red instead of pink.

[Hatman Hatmyth Hatlegend]

I'm starting to think I should have candy corn in my sig.

[Kiwizoom]

Well, someone brought up earlier that biological males and females have slightly different brain chemistry, and that trans people often have it closer to the one they identify as. I hadn't heard of it before, but I figured it would qualify as a biological factor to gender.
I was thinking about clothing choice, pronoun choice, and such as other elements. If someone prefers to be called something certain, or to wear certain things, I don't see why that would be connected to their gender.
It just seems unhealthy to me to try to force so many different things into one, when there are so many ways they can seem to clash if you do so.

I hear more and more the online communities expressing themselves that they feel they are a managerie of definitions. Since a lot feel this way maybe in the future it will be darn near accepted to be whatever you feel you are. I don't know, we live in a place which tries to divide and define us but its clear people wish for and feel shades of grey.

[Ace of Dark-Hearts]

I'm starting to think I should have candy corn in my sig.

I recommend it. It clears up a lot of gender confusion and allows quick reference to people's sexuality which is cool because

reasons

[ArmsAreLoud]

I'm starting to think I should have candy corn in my sig.

The candy corn is fun and useful as long as the person looking at it isn't colorblind.

Mine is clearly the best and most descriptive candy corn

why can't i just turn my y chromosome on and off as i please that would make everything so much easier

[deathsbuddy]

Well, someone brought up earlier that biological males and females have slightly different brain chemistry, and that trans people often have it closer to the one they identify as. I hadn't heard of it before, but I figured it would qualify as a biological factor to gender.
I was thinking about clothing choice, pronoun choice, and such as other elements. If someone prefers to be called something certain, or to wear certain things, I don't see why that would be connected to their gender.
It just seems unhealthy to me to try to force so many different things into one, when there are so many ways they can seem to clash if you do so.

You're very right.

Clothing choice is considered part of gender presentation, which is separate from gender identity but its association with gender plays into established social gender roles. Pronoun choice is just whatever you're comfortable with.

Gender is one of those things that never should have been a thing, but now that it is a thing, we have no choice but to deal with its implications.

e: i'm not putting a candy corn in my sig because
1) i'm used to people thinking i'm something i'm not due to the fact that nobody says "non-binary" on their first guess
2) ace
what are those reasons
why do people need to know my sexuality, are they going to try and romance me online, why is it everyone's business

[Ace of Dark-Hearts]

The candy corn is fun and useful as long as the person looking at it isn't colorblind.

Mine is clearly the best and most descriptive candy corn

why can't i just turn my y chromosome on and off as i please that would make everything so much easier

I wish I could help but rest assured you have all my sympathies.

2) ace
what are those reasons
why do people need to know my sexuality, are they going to try and romance me online, why is it everyone's business

*SHURG*

I don't know, I just like getting to know people better, personally. It allows one to be more open and them to spend less time introducing themselves, etc.

But of course you don't have to disclose that information if you don't want to. Suggesting otherwise is kind of silly.

[Elementoid]

I've been glancing over the fancy-colored candycorn for months now without knowing that it meant anything.