Sex Ed Thread Six (Sex, Gender, and Relationship Q&A)

[Hatman Hatmyth Hatlegend]

If you're having difficulty explaining it to us, you'll have more explaining it to them. Not that I want to stifle you in your search for more accurate relations with your friends/potential romantic lovers as a group but we're misunderstanding you.

[Freack]

I am standing on a ticking time bomb.

Every once in a while I will be in a situation where some people will read me as female, and some as male. Awkward, lame, but if I never plan on seeing those people again I just ignore it and then never see them again, if I am going to see them again I am usually with my family, so yeah, that question gets answered fast.

But this time I am volunteering long term with a bunch of old people, and I corrected them to male, and now all is well and good. A few people even apologized.

This should be so awesome, but now I am just terrified that they will find out. I mean, I have gone through the whole "coming out" song and dance, but this is a whole different ballgame. "Well, you see, when I said I was a guy that was honest, my ID just says otherwise because yeah." It is not as if I am volunteering with the Klan or something, but this is a group of of political types. This is the best opportunity I have had and now I am just losing sleep over what should not even be a big deal at all.

AF: I have no idea what you are saying, but I am pretty sure you can stop thinking about the differentices between bromance and platonic life partners and just be like, "I LOVE ALL OF YOU LET US BE FRIENDS FOREVER."

[Everanix]

I am standing on a ticking time bomb.

Every once in a while I will be in a situation where some people will read me as female, and some as male. Awkward, lame, but if I never plan on seeing those people again I just ignore it and then never see them again, if I am going to see them again I am usually with my family, so yeah, that question gets answered fast.

But this time I am volunteering long term with a bunch of old people, and I corrected them to male, and now all is well and good. A few people even apologized.

This should be so awesome, but now I am just terrified that they will find out. I mean, I have gone through the whole "coming out" song and dance, but this is a whole different ballgame. "Well, you see, when I said I was a guy that was honest, my ID just says otherwise because yeah." It is not as if I am volunteering with the Klan or something, but this is a group of of political types. This is the best opportunity I have had and now I am just losing sleep over what should not even be a big deal at all.

AF: I have no idea what you are saying, but I am pretty sure you can stop thinking about the differentices between bromance and platonic life partners and just be like, "I LOVE ALL OF YOU LET US BE FRIENDS FOREVER."

First of all I don't know how people misidentify you, you look like a total boy to me. An adorable boy but still.

As for this situation, what do you mean by political types? I realize that older people are generally less accepting because they grew up with different values, but are these people you think you can trust, or do you not know them all that well?

Do you predict that an occasion will arise that will force you to explain this in the first place, or are you just understandably worried about improbable things?

[Ace of Dark-Hearts]

Okay so I'm pretty confident that I am at least homo-something. I've been more socially involved and observing myself lately and yeah definitely some gay feelings there. I can't really lie to myself forever, I suppose. I guess this is sort of like a coming-out to myself? Huh. I'm gay. Feels good to say.

Lately, though, I've been concerned with the repercussions of being gay. My parents are ONE HUNDRED PERCENT anti-gay. I don't WANT to be gay. Then there's the social ramifications. Also, what if I still want to have a relationship with a girl? I'm sure she wouldn't take to me being gay well. But what if I wanted a relationship with a guy??? Then I have to deal with all of those things. Ugh, everything is complicated.

The gay porn really did not do anything for me, though. I guess sex in general is kind of off-putting for me.

Regardless, I think my best bet here is to decide on heteroromantic and gay. For now, at least.

I guess I should get my appropriate candy corn. The "I don't fucking know-sexual" candy corn is so pretty though that I'm just going to sort of leave it there.

AF: I have no idea what you are saying, but I am pretty sure you can stop thinking about the differentices between bromance and platonic life partners and
just be like, "I LOVE ALL OF YOU LET US BE FRIENDS FOREVER."

This is basically what I was trying to say.

Also, yeah, you totally look like a guy, Freack. My brain is fuzzy, tired and incoherent so I'm probably completely missing the point, though.

YOU LOOK LIKE COFFEE MAAAAAAAANNNNN

[Everanix]

Okay so I'm pretty confident that I am at least homo-something. I've been more socially involved and observing myself lately and yeah definitely some gay feelings there. I can't really lie to myself forever, I suppose. I guess this is sort of like a coming-out to myself? Huh. I'm gay. Feels good to say.

Lately, though, I've been concerned with the repercussions of being gay. My parents are ONE HUNDRED PERCENT anti-gay. I don't WANT to be gay. Then there's the social ramifications. Also, what if I still want to have a relationship with a girl? I'm sure she wouldn't take to me being gay well. But what if I wanted a relationship with a guy??? Then I have to deal with all of those things. Ugh, everything is complicated.

The gay porn really did not do anything for me, though. I guess sex in general is kind of off-putting for me.

Regardless, I think my best bet here is to decide on heteroromantic and gay. For now, at least.

I guess I should get my appropriate candy corn.



This is basically what I was trying to say.

Ack, having a romantic orientation completely opposite to your sexual orientation can be tough. But things like these are sometimes pliable and subject to change over time. And if the gay porn didn't do much for you, maybe you're just biromantic?

I know it's confusing, but honestly the best advice I can give is to not worry about it until you need to. Who knows what kind of experiences you'll have or what kinds of people you'll meet.

This is terribly useless and cheesy advice, but it's what worked for me. Time gave me perspective. Not that there aren't still things I'm confused about...

[Freack]

Eh. I am volunteering with the local Democratic Party, so it could be worse, but these are still a bunch of retired people, so I am sure at least a few of them would feel uncomfortable somehow. I mean, I like them and all, and I know for a fact that like a quarter of the people I have to deal with in the office are lesbians, but still. A lot of people view people like me as just one step too much. Or at least I see that portrayal a lot. MAybe it will end up being nothing. Maybe they are all super nice about it, or it never comes up.

I do not think it will come up, but it could. It is probably nothing, but I could be undone by something as simple as them seeing my license. Heck, my voice gets in my way constantly.

Probably just me being silly.

[Ace of Dark-Hearts]

Ack, having a romantic orientation completely opposite to your sexual orientation can be tough. But things like these are sometimes pliable and subject to change over time. And if the gay porn didn't do much for you, maybe you're just biromantic?

I know it's confusing, but honestly the best advice I can give is to not worry about it until you need to. Who knows what kind of experiences you'll have or what kinds of people you'll meet.

This is terribly useless and cheesy advice, but it's what worked for me. Time gave me perspective. Not that there aren't still things I'm confused about...

Indeed. Advice, cheese or not, is appreciated. Yeah, I am pretty much going to remain malleable with all this, but I think heteroromantic gay is the best for now and stuff.

Also, no I'm definitely not romantic for guys. Like, there are THINGS about them that turn me on an stuff (feels weird to admit), but SEX is like, "okay whatever."

Honestly, it feels more like a biological urge more than something I actually want to have.

Eh. I am volunteering with the local Democratic Party, so it could be worse, but these are still a bunch of retired people, so I am sure at least a few of them would feel uncomfortable somehow. I mean, I like them and all, and I know for a fact that like a quarter of the people I have to deal with in the office are lesbians, but still. A lot of people view people like me as just one step too much. Or at least I see that portrayal a lot. MAybe it will end up being nothing. Maybe they are all super nice about it, or it never comes up.

I do not think it will come up, but it could. It is probably nothing, but I could be undone by something as simple as them seeing my license. Heck, my voice gets in my way constantly.

Probably just me being silly.

*SHRUG* When you posted your voice before you "came out" to the fora and you were just like "Oh my voice is just high for a guy," I completely bought it. There are really people out there with voices like that.

Voices are a silly thing.

[AdurnaFricai]

Screw it, I'm going to just call this whole incident first love awkwardness and be done with it. I'll deal with remaining confessions when they become relevant.

I may have advice for other people in the morning.

ALSO for aces: the amazing girl who made the Asexuality Chronicles on youtube just got found out by her parents and had to take them down. If anyone has anything they can do about it, please do so.

[Everanix]

Screw it, I'm going to just call this whole incident first love awkwardness and be done with it. I'll deal with remaining confessions when they become relevant.

I may have advice for other people in the morning.

ALSO for aces: the amazing girl who made the Asexuality Chronicles on youtube just got found out by her parents and had to take them down. If anyone has anything they can do about it, please do so.

(had never heard of her before)

(looks her up)

(watches several videos on blip)

WHAT NO WHY

THESE VIDEOS ARE GREAT

I'M LEARNING THINGS

Why would her parents make her take them down?!?!?

[rysworld]

(had never heard of her before)

(looks her up)

(watches several videos on blip)

WHAT NO WHY

THESE VIDEOS ARE GREAT

I'M LEARNING THINGS

Why would her parents make her take them down?!?!?

I did the exact same thing, and wondering the same.

[pirrou]

I frequently feel like I have romantic feelings for some of my friends, too. Not like I actually want a different kind of relationship with them, but that I admire them so much and get so excited and happy around them that it's a really similar feeling to a crush.

Pretty sure the above was the case with the girl from another continent, didn't make out with her and didn't feel like I was missing out or doing anything wrong either, after all those months of speculating about what bad decisions were going to be made. My little cousin, who also lives over there and got to see me on my visit and hear about some of the shenanigans, didn't really get the memo and is continuing full speed ahead with the innuendo.

[AdurnaFricai]

(had never heard of her before)

(looks her up)

(watches several videos on blip)

WHAT NO WHY

THESE VIDEOS ARE GREAT

I'M LEARNING THINGS

Why would her parents make her take them down?!?!?

The videos are amazing. Her parents discovered them, and got mad because they think it'll hurt her chances of getting a job to have things on the Internet. Also she had to take them down because she called them out on some stuff in one of them. Aaaalso her mom thinks it was wrong of her to post videos containing her house on the internet.
It's really sad, and we need to find a way to get these things where people can find them.

[Wacom Guy]

I've found it easier to help people in this thread who use the gender candy corns.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

don't help me

[pirrou]

The thought of people I meet in the future finding out about my asexual vlogger stint (or, far worse, recognizing me from it) strikes horror into my heart.

[Ace of Dark-Hearts]

The thought of people I meet in the future finding out about my asexual vlogger stint (or, far worse, recognizing me from it) strikes horror into my heart.

You have a asexual vlog? Is that what you're saying?

If so I totally want to see it.

[Freack]

*SHRUG* When you posted your voice before you "came out" to the fora and you were just like "Oh my voice is just high for a guy," I completely bought it. There are really people out there with voices like that.

True Story: I felt really guilty for about a week after that. I was absolutely convinced that somebody had guessed and was just being polite.

I guess there are some okay points in not wanting your stint as an anything to get in the way of job-hunting. BUt it sucks that that should be a thing at all. Who else is going to do educational stuff and things if everyone is worried about being "found out" all the time.

[pirrou]

You have a asexual vlog? Is that what you're saying?

If so I totally want to see it.

I had a slot on a vlogging team for a few months. It was the beginning of the end of me wanting anything to do with the asexual community. All the normal second-guessing and self-consciousness that comes from putting one's opinions out to a large audience, combined with feeling obligated to present myself as a "representative" of asexuality, completely burned me out on openly identifying as anything sexually.

[Holly]

True Story: I felt really guilty for about a week after that. I was absolutely convinced that somebody had guessed and was just being polite.

I want to [idk, do something less touchy than hug you] so hard right now



Also I guess I have a question. I feel a bit awkward, but...like can you say "wow I would never have thought you were transgendered, I can't tell or anything!" to someone? Is that even okay?
I mean, that must depend on the person but I just...want to say that to like...everyone on the forum with a trans*corn. I want to hold them and tell them it's okay and shooosh pap any bad feelings away
And I guess that can be seen as awfully condescending?? and just a weird thing to say to someone?? agh

/2 am ramblings

edit: I'm trying to figure out how I would feel if someone said that to me and I
don't
know

[Everanix]

I want to [idk, do something less touchy than hug you] so hard right now



Also I guess I have a question. I feel a bit awkward, but...like can you say "wow I would never have thought you were transgendered, I can't tell or anything!" to someone? Is that even okay?
I mean, that must depend on the person but I just...want to say that to like...everyone on the forum with a trans*corn. I want to hold them and tell them it's okay and shooosh pap any bad feelings away
And I guess that can be seen as awfully condescending?? and just a weird thing to say to someone?? agh

/2 am ramblings

edit: I'm trying to figure out how I would feel if someone said that to me and I
don't
know

Oh gosh I feel the same way, I always thought they were the gender they identify as, and then I see pictures of them and I'm just.....Are you sure you weren't genetically born the way you identify because you look like a guy/girl to me...

I'm in the same boat as you really

Just....I would not think any of the trans people I know are trans just by looking at them

Or really at all unless they told me

Because that's what happened, I had no idea until it was brought up and I'm just like "huh what"

[Freack]

Generally, it is considered a bit rude it you do not know the person. Not, like SUPER awful, and if it is really said in a complimentary nature to a person you know fairly well it is unlikely that feelings will be hurt.

But when in doubt avoid it in person. Just in case.

That is just in my experience with observing the community, and so I could never speak for every body.

[Ace of Dark-Hearts]

Generally, it is considered a bit rude it you do not know the person. Not, like SUPER awful, and if it is really said in a complimentary nature to a person you know fairly well it is unlikely that feelings will be hurt.

But when in doubt avoid it in person. Just in case.

That is just in my experience with observing the community, and so I could never speak for every body.

I think that people feel patronized when you say comments like that.

Like people say, "Aww, I'm so sorry," and the other person interprets it as "Aww, I'm so sorry you suck so much."

Because that's what I feel when people IRL try to be sympathetic.

[Holly]

Alright. Thanks for helping me stumble slightly less awkwardly through society.

[ArmsAreLoud]

I dunno personally I felt really good when I was told that I looked feminine.

I guess it just sort of depends on the person? It's probably better to follow Freack and Ace's advice because the backlash from offending someone isn't worth the gamble.

[Ace of Dark-Hearts]

In case anyone cares, I just told my first meatbag that I'm gay.

But now she's mad at me because I didn't tell her if I liked this guy or not, ahaha.

It's so relieving to get this sort of stuff out in the open. I recommend anyone like me to do the same.

[ArmsAreLoud]

I think as far as "reactions to telling someone you're gay" goes, curiosity as to who you are crushing on is one of the better ones.