A lot of people are sexually oriented one way but romantically another.
I guess that if you're oriented the same way in both regards though then it is kind of redundant.
Okay, so I'm one-hundred percent certain that I am romantically attracted to girls. I find the idea of, say, making out with a girl, appealing, although I am not sexually attracted to girls in the least. I just looked up the definition of heteroromantic, and it was defined under asexuality. I am certainly not asexual, however. I'm not sure what this means for me.
I'm sure by now everyone knows of my quirky fetish exclusively for guys. This was mildly disconcerting at first, but I've come to terms with it. Lately I've just been extremely confused and I've been thinking that I might just be sexually attracted to guys in general.
I don't know if I could admit that to myself if it were true; I've been raised by right-wing religious republicans who taught that being anything but straight is wrong. By the same token, however, I could never picture myself having sex with another guy. I would never, ever, consider it.
Is this a thing ???
I was pretty much in that same situation a couple of years ago (bar the romantic attraction to women, at the time I thought I might be asexual/aromantic), and it turned out I was just in denial about my homosexuality, in large part because of my conservative upbringing. It took me a long time to come to terms with that, but I'm much happier now accepting myself for how I really am.
HOWEVER you are not me, so your situation could be completely different.
If I understand you correctly, you do have a sexual attraction to men, but at the same time you can't picture yourself with one (sexually or romantically)? If you think your upbringing might be clouding your views, all you can really do is a lot of soul-searching to see what feels right to you. (Maybe read or watch some gay porn or something and see if it does anything for you)
In the meantime though, you're sure that your romantically attracted to girls. That's okay! Like I said, a lot of people have romantic orientations that don't exactly match up with their sexual orientations. I'm pretty sure we had someone in here a while back who was exclusively attracted to one gender but sexually attracted to another, for example.
Porn-based soul searching is the best kind.
Okay, so I'm slightly confused as well. Is it possible to be both pansexual and panromantic and have romantic and sexual attractions be completely disconnected? Is that a thing?
Also, advice time. What do you do, as an asexual, when someone sexual confesses to you? There's a really nice guy who I found out a while ago likes me, and I don't want him to force himself to repress that or anything, but I'm not even capable of returning his feelings.
waterBuddy on Pesterchum.
Avi shop'd by me and student'd by аshdenej.
Yeah you can be romantically attracted to like-gendered folk and sexually attracted to opposite-gendered folk, for example. From what I've heard, it's very confusing, but very possible.
And... definitely be honest. Just tell him you're asexual, explain what that means, and hope for the best. If you just pretend to return his feelings, there's pretty much no way you won't run into problems.
Do you know he is for sure? You could just be mistaken o.O
Ah, the pain of unrequited emotions...
Okay, I'm pretty sure something is wrong with me.
About two years ago, I was one of the straightest girls around. I was really bookish and quiet, and I liked nerdy guys like me. But then I started my sophomore year of high school, and I was in The Laramie Project in my school's drama club. I met a lot of new people both at school and the community theater. I guess I went through what is known as "desensitization"- as I was more surrounded by the idea of homosexuality, I became less shocked and appalled by it. Then I realized that I was beginning to like girls.
My love life since then has been... well, messy. I recently went through a rough breakup with a guy I'd been dating for about three months (I'd had a huge crush on him for a year before that) and it's been hard on me. About a month after we broke up, I came to the realization that I was actually almost glad it had happened because I wasn't really happy with him. In fact, I'd never been truly happy in a relationship before. Then my friend introduced me to a girl named Tiffy, and soon I asked her out. I knew going into it that it would be tough because she's two years younger than me and lives almost an hour away. But she was worth it.
Last week, she messaged me saying she wanted to take a break. Not those stupid cheesy "I think we should date other people" breaks you see in the movies, she means an actual break from dating. She said she felt a sort of gap between us, like we jumped too quickly into dating. I felt the same way, so I was okay with it. We're going to start dating again when we get to know each other better.
But I'm so confused... not just about my sexuality, but about my love life in general. In all my sixteen years, I've seriously dated five people, and almost every single relationship ended in disaster. I'm scared of the idea of dating a guy; I'm so much happier and more comfortable with Tiffy. Dating her is like dating a close friend; we don't need to be constantly holding hands or making out to be happy. That's exactly what I want in a relationship. Yet I still find myself attracted to guys I see at school or online... even though I'd never date them. I don't want to say I'm a lesbian because I still think some guys are cute, and I can even flirt with them if they're mature, despite the fact that I have no desire to have sex with them (I'm abstinent as well). But I don't want to say I'm bisexual or pansexual because I don't date guys.
I have absolutely no clue what I am or what I want... HELP!!!!
I tried a relationship when I wasn't even sure what I wanted romantically or sexually myself, and I had no idea how to do that. I could have saved a lot of time and confusion by saying "this whole romantic relationship thing was a stupid mistake and I do not want your saliva anywhere on my person I'm serious that's disgusting", but instead, I slowly starved it to an end by being so vague and unpredictable as to frustrate him into giving up. Don't do that. Make it clear that you can back out whenever you want to, and don't tiptoe around somebody else's feelings.
As to your advice request: You're in high school, you should just go with the flow! Don't worry about applying a label to yourself, high school is mostly a time to find out what kind of people you do and don't like dating. You shouldn't be worried about your relationships ending in "disaster", very very few high school relationships last or even end well. You still have a long time to date and figure out what you want, don't stress about it and just do what comes naturally.
I'm also worried about what I should do if/when something like this happens again. What should I say?
waterBuddy on Pesterchum.
Avi shop'd by me and student'd by аshdenej.
I've basically been pushing all possible feelings that aren't heterosexual into the very back of my brain and I guess I am just now realizing they're there? Like, I've thought about kissing a guy before, and much to my lament, I wasn't repulsed by it. In fact, I'd probably be just as okay kissing a guy as I would be kissing a girl. I just can't picture myself having any sort of further intimacy or relationships with another guy. The connection just...doesn't happen in my brain.
Also yes, I am very confused. I can at least confirm that fact.
Anyway, I guess my primary motive here is to just put some kind of label on myself.
P.S.: Thanks for all your help so far, guys. You're all awesome <33333333
Pretty much the same. My thought process is just like, "Yup, those people sure are naked. Gah, belly buttons look weird." *Continue on with my day.*I've actually never liked porn.[...] Nothing different went through my mind just because people were naked.
And as for everything else... yeah, that is kind of confusing. I suppose you could just give up on finding yourself and judge all of this stuff on a person-by-person basis. Then again, that is terrible advice.
But yeah I want to try and identify myself because when people ask if I'm gay and such and I reply, "no, of course not!" I feel like I am lying and a part of me dies a little inside.
How often do people actually straight ask you if you are gay?
Because I think it should be rare enough that you could kind of skirt around the question with snarky answers like, "Maybe."
"Whichever answer makes you leave me alone."
"I judge people on a case by case basis."
"I am strictly not-you sexual."
I know the feels a little, because I have been asked before, and I am terrible at lying. I generally find that honesty works out pretty well, but in my case it is pretty simple because, "I think everybody just keep their goddamned clothes on," is easy enough to understand, even for completely uneducated people.
Also, no I don't think that would work. If the answer is anything except for "NAOOO" people are like "OMG R YOU GAY SERIOUSLY? HOLEY MOLEY!" Trust me, I've actually tried being sarcastic about it.