KILL SIX BILLION DEMONS (NSFW) - NOW A FRUITY WEBCOMIC

[ODK]

THIS QUEST IS A SORORITY THRILLER/ACTION ADVENTURE/PUZZLE GAME/HELL/DARK FANTASY/WESTERN/ROMANCE WHERE THE MAIN CHARACTER MAY OR MAY NOT DIE INSTANTLY

THE CHOICE IS YOURS


FORMSPRING, IN WHICH YOU MAY QUERY ABOUT THIS MISADVENTURE: http://www.formspring.me/ORBITALDROPKICK


Here lies a DAEMONIAC. You know through your training as a scholar of the METAREALM it is a book of reference provided by ZHUM-AKUL, LORD OF REFERENCES.

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ZZZLH GOZ AM- AGUR

Oh illustrious ruler of all things
Carve the flesh of Man
Guide us down the pain-wracked destiny
Peel back our fluttering eyelids so we may see

AMEN

ACHYLS, MISTRESS
LEVEL 80 DEVIL ASPIRANT
Chief ARCANO LIBRARIAN of the TERRIBLY NAUGHTY LIBRARIANS. She LONGETH for supportive UNDERWEAR.


ALLISON RUTH
LEVEL 0 METASOUL
She counts 21 yers of ege and Ys TOTALLY flaxen-gold of hair and DESPITHETH books. Was HEAVY OF BODY AND SOUL in HIGH SCHOOL and resigneth herself to a lyfe both FUN AND PEPPY at a SORORITY.


BAALZ-ABAB, THE VYLE
LEVEL 999 ARCHFIEND
???

CACODAEMON

Paltry of strength and numerous, they roameth the endless wastes at the edge of creation, ever-hunger screaming for foreign flesh to soak their bloated forms Yn. They are the feeblest of the white children of UN but their count Ys Legion among the Formless.


DHOTHUULMELL (OSCAR), LESSER DEVIL
LEVEL 680 LESSER DEVIL
He wieldeth the COAT OF ARMS and consygns himself to a LYFE OF LECHERY, DEBAUCHERY, AND THIEVERY MOST VYLE, but he greatly ENJOYETH himself.


EYE OF GOG-AGOG
LEVEL 830 PARASYTE
Transdymensional warding demon. He hosts himsylf upon Allyson Ruth and is Most dysgruntled.


GOG-AGOG, THE TENTACULAR
LEVEL 980 ARCHFIEND
LORD of the Oglyng reaches, he extendeth his CRUEL DOMAIN and STRIVETH against his ryval, BAALZ-ABAB.


FRIEDRICH WILHELM NIETZSCHE
LEVEL 8 METASOUL
Slew God.

----KMMMM ZL ULZBRRG----

Amen

---ADVENTURE START----



You are 21 years old (says so on your drivers license, which is totally legit), and you just got your hair redone (it looks amazing by the way). You are assistant treasury secretary in charge at your sorority, ALPHA PHI OMEGA. You are wearing a totally hot top you just got a few days ago but you really hope doesn't make your hips look big.




You are currently sitting uncomfortably in the basement pool clubhouse/spa of your sorority house. There is a PARTY going on, and you are totally NOT self conscious about all the people here you don't know. It smells like chlorine and stale beer, which is ok, because you totally get smashed and party ALL the time. You tell yourself again you are a fun and peppy girl.

You don't know why but you feel a sudden urge to COMPLETE an action.

What do you do? You could keep, like, reading your magazines. You could walk around a bit I guess and maybe try and find your friends (you totally have friends). You could maybe swim (ew).



One more thing. Your first name is Allison. But what is your last?

[Whimbrel]

Zach

>Skim magazines

[Solaris]

Ruth

>Go talk to booooys, that's what girls do here right? That or talk to girls? Oh gooooooshh
But yes.... YES THAT IS WHAT PEOPLE DO
TALK
aaaaaah

[ODK]

Ruth

>Go talk to booooys, that's what girls do here right? That or talk to girls? Oh gooooooshh
But yes.... YES THAT IS WHAT PEOPLE DO
TALK
aaaaaah

Your name is Allison Ruth.

You think about talking to boys. Then immediately wish you didn't.

Oh my god you're freaking out a little bit now. All those stunning eyes, judging you. All that gross sweat and chiseled jaws and stubble, rising up out of the gloom like some terrible dark edifice of doom, proclaiming your inferiority.

You quickly decide against it. Maybe you do something... else instead. You could keep reading magazines, maybe try and find a quieter spot. You could walk around a bit and try and get all these chiseled visages out of your mind. The sky is really the limit. That's what you keep telling yourself.

[Solaris]

Do you think you could like, slink away somewhere, find someone you know?
You.... you do know at least one person at this party right?

[ODK]

Do you think you could like, slink away somewhere, find someone you know?
You.... you do know at least one person at this party right?

Zach

>Skim magazines

You suppose you could leave your CLEVERLY HIDDEN READING behind and go find one of your totally nice, not fake, and totally friendly and sincere sorority sisters.

I mean, if you wanted to be like, social and stuff. Which I guess you're supposed to be because you are so fun and peppy

[Solaris]

If this ain't really your thing why are you even here?
What did you expect?

Anyway, you could probably like, take the book and stuff, and try to find somewhere that no one will bother you?
(Although that could either paint you as a frigid bitch or as someone Oh So Higher Than Thou, both of which could draw some boooooys toward you o: )

[Whimbrel]

Man you should like, take your magazines and stuff with you and go see if there's something to eat?

[OrangeAipom]

Wipe the sweat off of your skin.

[Morphimus]

> Screw the books! CANNONBALL!

[Pemm]

Sassy sorority sister who has "adopted" you: Appear.

[ODK]

If this ain't really your thing why are you even here?
What did you expect?

Anyway, you could probably like, take the book and stuff, and try to find somewhere that no one will bother you?
(Although that could either paint you as a frigid bitch or as someone Oh So Higher Than Thou, both of which could draw some boooooys toward you o: )

Wipe the sweat off of your skin.

Man you should like, take your magazines and stuff with you and go see if there's something to eat?

You, like, resolve to go find somewhere nice and quiet to enjoy your Nietz--- Nails Monthly and Hair weekly magazines. Wiping the sweat off your skin would be good too, because that would totally make you break out.

You resolve to go to your refuge since high school... the bathroom. Totally. There might even be girls in there that you can talk about... boys with.



As you walk by you can hear some of your, um, totally sincere and friendly sisters snickering about you. This is totally ok because you guys are bffs forever and you LOVE them and the rest of ALPHA PHI OMEGA. There's nothing you have to prove to them, or yourself. Or whatever.

They're snickering about some kind of freaky tattoo you have. Which weirds you out a bit.



You are confident they are talking about someone else because you have like, never, ever had a tattoo in your life.

You head into the bathroom, resolved to read quietly. People are still staring at you weird though.

[Morphimus]

> ==>

[Sandvich King]

> Suddenly your back feels a bit itchy. Scratch it.

[ODK]

> ==>

You enter the Bathroom



It's a pretty nice bathroom all in all. There's a mirror here where you could like, fix your makeup and stuff. Maybe try and get the rest of that sweat off.

There's two pretty cheap CONDOM DISPENSERS which you totally have used ALL THE TIME in your partying.

There are three stalls. You're fairly sure one of them is occupied, but it would be like, totally rude to point that out. It's pretty quiet in here at least, except for a weird dripping sound. What do you do?

[ODK]

> Suddenly your back feels a bit itchy. Scratch it.

You oblige. Your back is pretty itchy for some weird reason, wow. Must have been sunburn or something, you don't tan well. You tried that fake tanning stuff and it turns out you were allergic, eww. ):

I guess you'll always be pale and scrawny and nobody will like .... anyway.

You also realize this swimsuit makes your butt look HUGE and its riding up really bad.

[CryCold]

> Sleuth out dripping Forthwith!

[Whimbrel]

Investigate dripping

[Varkarrus]

Suddenly decide to give up on boys and become asexual for life.

[ODK]

> Sleuth out dripping Forthwith!

Um, you totally don't know what sleuthing means because you've never read the complete Sherlock Holmes including the extended commentary and introduction edition which you got totally cheap off Amazon because you are fun and peppy and not some introverted nerd. But you check out the dripping sound anyway.



It was the faucet. Duh.

But now you turn it off, there's something else that appears to be a bit louder, coming from that stall you were pretty sure was occupied. And now you're pretty sure it's occupied by two people because the sounds coming out of it are something you totally know about because you are totally NOT A VIRGIN.

Well this is awkward.

Um. How are you going to approach this one?

[ODK]

Suddenly decide to give up on boys and become asexual for life.

This has always been something you've considered.

[Whimbrel]

Leave before they notice you

HURRY SCURRY

[PersonPerson]

Stand right in front of the stall like a stalker.

[Mustavus]

Stand right inside the stall, like a more efficient stalker.

[Pemm]

Realize that it's a Monday.

Act accordingly.