KILL SIX BILLION DEMONS (NSFW) - NOW A FRUITY WEBCOMIC

[ODK]

>Oscar: Try NOT showing your teeth. It may help seeing as they are razor sharp and kinda terrifying.

You can't help but merrily show her all of your SHARPSOME teeth. It doesn't seem to help

>Make a 'shhhh!' noise while looking strict. This is, after all, a library.

Be sure to get right up in her face when you do so. Also very suddenly.

>Oscar: Say "Calm the fuck down, bitch-tits, or you'll both get us boned."

You prounce 'KM ZOL FA KUR BITCH TITS GHRZZZ ABRRRN!' in your grating, gravely devil voice, and make the universal sign for shut the fuck up.

Allison: Scream Quietly

> Allison: Desperately need that public restroom back right about now

YOU ARE ALLISON BRIEFLY. YOU SCREAM VERY LOUDLY.

You are OSCAR again. She doesn't speak SUPERNAL apparently, and you're far to fucking hurrisome for time to try the other nine million languages you can speak thanks to your GIFT OF TONGUES.

Now there's a worryful, dread sound prickling the spines on your back something terrible.

Click, click, click

It's undoubtiknowlingly the sound of the guardians approaching in their spite-black leather. You utter a curse in ASTRAL, which is your favorite language to curse in because by saying 'VAL!' you can say 'fucking pox blasted son of a devil's whore' (It's all in the inflection).

> Who cares? Just kill her and get it over with. Or, y'know, toss her into another dimension or something, if you're not into that.

You could kill her rather fancily but you have a thing about killing unarmed women. Besides being a very ungentlemanly thing for a bloke to do, there's just no sport in it.



Fuck it, you toss her in the Coat. This is your default reaction to difficult things, one you resort to far too often. You'll deal with this laterly. There's books and booze and your DEMONIAC in there, maybe she'll be entertained.

You have moments before the Guardians arrive. How are you going to handle this one? You have a vast and very cleversome array of ideas including hiding, biting, jumping, running, flying, and transforming into a big black dog and taking them off to the woods to proffer sexual favors (It's a devil thing).

None of them are very good though. Surely you have others?

[Mibbs]

Try staying perfectly still again

[Bloddyredcommie]

Knock down a bookshelf! They won't pursue you until they've gotten everything straightened up and alphabetized!

[Jacquerel]

Hide then jump out, bite something, transform into a dog, run, jump again and then fly, in that order

[Redux]

> Camouflage yourself as a bookshelf

[Lurkmeister]

Use several of your magic charms and your gift of tongues to take the form of a Library Guardian and throw your voice, making it seem like you're a fellow guardian chasing after the thief. Alternatively, use a charm to make a Book Golem do the running for you, so you can focus more on seeming like a guardian. At some point, try to split the group up, going off on your own or in a smaller group. Once you can escape, do so, possibly taking out one or two guardians if you need to. If you made a book golem, maybe have it meet up with you later, if it's skilled enough to escape on its own. The books would be stealing themselves for you!

Alternatively, if that's not viable: book it! Maybe throw a "few" books and bookshelves backwards, you've got like 688 spare arms.

Above all else, though, don't forget to pilfer the Fate Book.

[Godbot]

> Take your mask off and wear your backup one

> Steal the girl's appearance

> Look for a book of clever hiding places

> Seduce them

> Climb into your coat and then flip it inside-out until they're gone

[ArcusofBrambles]

Do the dog thing, but then abscond before you start the deed. Or they decide to murder you.

[Chair_Man]

> OSCAR:

Library chaos
Turn to page and hide in book.
"...Bloody loud bitch-tits..."

[crypticMushroom]

Try not to get lost running through the absurd multidimensional maze of myriad mystically charged shelves! Magical libraries are notoriously easy to get lost in.

Knock down a bookshelf! They won't pursue you until they've gotten everything straightened up and alphabetized!

That's not a bad idea. But don't try to distract them unless you've been seen! You could still sneak away.

[suomynonAyletamitlU]

> She can breathe in there, right? Or like, absorb light, or psychic waves, whatever her kind do for that sort of thing.

[98714123340]

The most appropriate situation would be diplomacy.

[Ed]

Allison: Check out that booze and demoniac

[alexthewhite]

>Allison: develop Stockholm's Syndrome at a truly astonishing rate.

[PersonPerson]

This^

[Varkarrus]

Seconded.

[Doorhandle]

>You got what you came for, right? If not, Get Ye Tome and ABSCOND. Use magics of any sort if needed.

[Anthano Zasalla]

> Hork and jet.

[Doofaeus]

Oscar - Surely you came in here somehow, just gtfo the same way

[Iarei]

Be Achlys, the myriad swarm that cloud the eyes of the dying. Drink in the darkness of Lethe and revel in it's wza-y'ei. For all which lives consumes, and all which is corrupted is deprived of good. Thus do you bring the misery of knowing.

[Kaynato]

Hide YOURSELF in your cloak.

Isn't it obvious enough?

[Morphimus]

> Moments before the guardians arrive, eh? SEDUCE GUARDIANS!

[Stickmeister]

>Allison: Examine contents of coat.

[ODK]

Oscar - Surely you came in here somehow, just gtfo the same way

Well, it's not so simplesome as -

FUCK

Be Achlys, the myriad swarm that cloud the eyes of the dying. Drink in the darkness of Lethe and revel in it's wza-y'ei. For all which lives consumes, and all which is corrupted is deprived of good. Thus do you bring the misery of knowing.

You are MISTRESS ACHLYS, CHIEF ARCANO-LIBRARIAN of the black and DREAD society of TERRIBLY NAUGHTY LIBRARIANS that guards the deep and dirty secrets of the multiverse that are buried within the the recesses of the Eldritch and dark library of ZHUM-AKUL, LORD OF REFERENCES. Though it is only one of many dark and grim libraries in the outer creases of the meta-realm, it is certainly the naughtiest.

Plus you love all this leather and these pumps. They really make your legs look killer.

You heard a mysterious high pitched screaming sound coming from the ALCOVE OF FATE which certainly was not the result of any NAUGHTINESS and have rallied your MASKED GUARD.

Knock down a bookshelf! They won't pursue you until they've gotten everything straightened up and alphabetized!

By YOM-GAGOTH's AMPLE BUSOM! Just look at this mess! You will have to pick up and alphabetize everything in an exceedingly NAUGHTY fashion. The naughtiness is part of the job, though one that does tire you out occasionally and has lost a lot of its zest. Having to wear all this leather, the high heels, finding clever ways to make sure your breasts don't violently eject themselves from your corset... its been a learning experience.

ZHUM-AKUL is a very lonely archfiend.

This almost seems as though it's meant to slow you down if you were to pursue any intruders stealing the incredibly rare, very very NAUGHTY, and horribly dangerous FATE BOOK. There are only 8 in existence, and most of them are owned by BAALZ-ABAB. If anyone were to-

FUCK

But that's impossible! This section of the library is WARDED with many horrible metadaemons, traps, and magical defenses. The only way to get in would be to possess a LIBRARY infinity key -



SISTER MALEFICUS, one of your newer acolytes sheepishly raises her hand.

You are INCENSED! You BERATE her in an EXCEEDINGLY NAUGHTY FASHION

She explains how she was on a routine patrol when a lesser devil, disguised as a bookshelf, created a haphazard BOOK GOLEM to attempt to incapacitate her and steal her key. When that didn't work, he attempted to hide inside his coat as she assaulted him with BLACK AND TERRIBLE MAGICKS. The powerful artifact protected him, however. Then he...

she pauses

You SHAKE YOUR FIST NAUGHTILY

well..., she says

> Moments before the guardians arrive, eh? SEDUCE GUARDIANS!

then he turned into a big black dog and-

Use several of your magic charms and your gift of tongues to take the form of a Library Guardian

>You got what you came for, right? If not, Get Ye Tome and ABSCOND. Use magics of any sort if needed.

You are OSCAR. You have cunningly DISGUISED yourself as a big-ti- LIBRARIAN. While the Guardians are distracted, you take the opportunity to book it.

[Kaynato]

Alright then, where are you? Take a look around.