No More Eros

[Grug]

> Ask to see her medical license.

[Patchman]

> gtfo of there

[DairunCates]

>Kiyoshi: Ask to see her medical license.


Takeshi: So what kind of compensation are we talking about here?
Kiyoshi: Wait wait wait. Do you even HAVE a medical license?
Scientist: What? Oh. I guess I gave you the wrong impression. I'm not a doctor.
Kiyoshi: Oh. Well, I guess...



Scientist: ...I'm a Chemist.
Kiyoshi: Eep.
Takeshi: Oh cool. I love chemistry.


>Kawaii Clinician: Turn out to be space cthulhu

Scientist: Oh, then you'll love my new research. I'm working on something to help enhance human performance. Mental and physical. It's all hush-hush right now though.
Takeshi: Oh. Sounds interesting. What do you say, buddy? Want to see what she's got?

>Run!

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!


Wait. Did you forget something?


OH CRAP! YOU FORGOT TO GRAB TAKESHI!


Kiyoshi: RUN, YOU IDIOT!
Takeshi: Dude. What's up with you!?


Takeshi: Come on, Bro. Just take a second to take a breath and explain what's wrong to me.
Kiyoshi: She's a demon!
Takeshi: What? That cute chemist over there?
Kiyoshi: DIDN'T YOU SEE THE TENTACLES!?
Takeshi: Have you been sleeping well?


Witch: Oh, what the hell!?
Kiyoshi: YOU!
Takeshi: Is this a relative of yours, Kiyoshi?
Witch: YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T KNOW ANY CUTE BOYS!
Kiyoshi: WHAT!?

[98714123340]

Kiyoshi > How would a straight male know what boys are considered cute? Your asking the wrong people.

Takeshi > She thinks your cute!

[Daedalus]

Witch > Forever hold a grudge against Kiyoshi for not introducing him to that cute piece of manmeat behind him

Kiyoshi > Continue fleeing!

[The One Guy]

> Demon Chemist: turn out to actually have fallen for him, just have an unusual way of expressing it.

Wait ... tentacles ... THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!

[suomynonAyletamitlU]

> Ask if she is familiar with the crazy lady with tentacles--WAIT! This is japan. Tentacles are a bad thing to bring up around busty women in skirts.

[Bloddyredcommie]

Kiyoshi: Try to flee, falling down a manhole into the cockpit of a prototype giant robot.

Because this adventure is not yet All the Animes.

[DairunCates]

>Kiyoshi: How would a straight male know what boys are considered cute? Your asking the wrong people.

Kiyoshi: ...And how is a straight teenage male supposed to know what a cute boy looks like?
Witch: I KNOW THAT!
Takeshi: You think I'm cute?
Kiyoshi: What does it matter anyway?
Witch: I need to borrow your friend.
Takeshi: You said I was cute, right?
Kiyoshi: This isn't gonna be like the tentacle chemist over there, is it?
Takeshi: There was NOTHING wrong with her.
Witch: NO! Of course no- Wait. Tentacle Chemist?


>Witch: Forever hold a grudge against Kiyoshi...

Witch: Dammit. It hasn't started already, has it?
Kiyoshi: Hey. Are you okay?
Witch: GET HIM AWAY FROM ME, YOU FOOL!
Takeshi: Hey man. She doesn't look so good. Maybe we should find some help.


...for not...

Takeshi: Come on. Tell us what's wrong. We'll get help.
Kiyoshi: Just say something.

...introducing you...

Kiyoshi: Something is VERY wrong here.
Takeshi: Check her pulse!

...to that...

Takeshi: Oh... Hey... She's still moving. Maybe that means.

...cute piece of manmeat behind him.

Witch: What's a cute little boy like you doing with a dork like him?
Takeshi: Hey. Are you feeling alright? Do we need to get an ambulance?
Witch: I've never felt better. Lean a little closer and I'll tell you a secret.
Kiyoshi: WHAT!? That's not normal, man! We need to get help!
Takeshi: What are you talking about? She said she felt okay.
Scientist: Ta-Ta-Takeshi-kun. HOW COULD YOU!?

> Demon Chemist: turn out to actually have fallen for him, just have an unusual way of expressing it.

Scientist: I thought you were going to come do experiments with me.
Witch: Nonsense. He's coming back with me, aren't you, sweetie?
Takeshi: Man. A lot of people are offering me jobs recently.
Kiyoshi: THEY'RE HITTING ON YOU, YOU IDIOT!
Takeshi: Oh come on. They're just being friendly.
Kiyoshi: WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?

[98714123340]

And here comes the Gypsy.

[Bropocalypse]

Science vs Magic battle, COMMENCE

[Cresent]

> Kiyoshi: Get fed up with this, summon your giant mecha to drive off pesky suitors. A bro has to help his fellow bro, even when he does not know what danger he is in!

> Takeshi: Suddenly realize that you will likely end up in giant glass tube or chained inside magical pentagram if you let either of the two ladies have their way. Then, abscond with Kiyoshi.

[Whimbrel]

Your friend has been CURSED with a HAREM!!!

You've got to get him to stick with one lucky lady or they'll ALL just start hanging around, being obnoxious towards you!

[Pharmacy]

>Title drop: Happen

[DairunCates]

>Science vs Magic battle, COMMENCE

Takeshi: Now now, Ladies. I'm sure I can help you both.
Scientist: Oh no problem, Takeshi-kun. I'll make sure to get rid of this shrill harpy for you.
Witch: Cute trick. Is that the best you can do? Hmph. Shall I destroy this annoying little distraction, dearie?

HOLY CRAP! WHAT IS GOING ON!

Wait. Maybe this is some kind of weird anime dream...

>Kiyoshi: Get fed up with this, summon your giant mecha to drive off pesky suitors. A bro has to help his fellow bro, even when he does not know what danger he is in!

Kiyoshi: GIANT ROBO FIGHTER Z-83. RISE AND CRUSH THEM!


Huh. You thought that would work.

>Kiyoshi: Your friend has been CURSED with a HAREM!!!

... But then what's going on? The CURSE. OF COURSE!

You're not sure you believe in curses, but something is causing women to fall head over heel after your best friend. It's just like a Romantic Visual Novel... Not that you would know anything about those...

Wait... Doesn't the protagonist sometimes die in those from a psychotic love interest? These women don't look too sane, either.

THAT'S IT! You can't explain all of it, but you suspect that Takeshi has SOMEHOW found himself as the protagonist of some kind of branching plot love story. As his best friend, it's your job to figure out a way to either fix this curse or guide him to a proper ending. You'll help him find the perfect girl, or if one doesn't exist, lead him to an ending with no girl whatsoever.

It is your job to make sure Takeshi comes out of this alive.

It is your job to keep Takeshi safe from the raging sex drives of whoever these unusual women are.

It is your job to save Takeshi from the sadistic whim of whatever invisible puppetmaster is pulling the strings of this curse.

IT IS YOUR JOB TO MAKE SURE THERE ARE...

>Title drop: Happen

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Congrats Whim. You called the plot close enough for the Title Drop. NOW it gets fun.

[McBatman]

>Kiyoshi: Consider letting the curse have its way with him. He's been kind of a jerk lately.
>Kiyoshi: The only way to help your friend is from the inside. You must find a way to infiltrate the forming Harem itself.
TO THE CURSED SPRINGS!

[Cresent]

>Kiyoshi: It is obvious you cannot do much to help your friend as things are. Abscond and seek out master assassin to learn his/her ways of mysterious murder! You have to get to same power level as all these anime freaks, after all.

[Pharmacy]

>Kiyoshi: Man isn't it kind of weird that the witch went mental?

>Kiyoshi: Hire a male middle-aged milquetoast lawyer to combat romantic harassment.

[Doorhandle]

>Know any good ways to get superpowers of your own? You miiiiiiight just need them. Or to become a badass normal, but looking at you.... heh, no.

>Concider donning an ugly mask to gentialblock offending parties. also, it's a disguse to avoid painful lovelorn retribution.

edit:> A more practial obsevation would be to get something cold, Spray it over them, and then RUN LIKE THE DICKENS.

[The One Guy]

> It seems the witch had some knowledge of the curse (and perhaps even a little ability to resist it); perhaps if you could get a chance to talk to her when Takeshi isn't around?

[Whimbrel]

Okay, first you need to get your friend to NORMAL CLASS. Where he can meet a NORMAL ROMANTIC INTEREST.

[DairunCates]

>Kiyoshi: Consider letting the curse have its way with him. He's been kind of a jerk lately.

Well, as much as you're sure he'd enjoy that, this is your best friend you're talking about; your childhood comrade. You'd take a bullet for him. He may be acting weird today, but you can't confirm that at least some of that is not from this curse.

>Kiyoshi: The only way to help your friend is from the inside. You must find a way to infiltrate the forming Harem itself. TO THE CURSED SPRINGS!

WHOA WHOA WHOA! You know you just said you'd take a bullet for him, but that's not what you meant. That's just so many levels of wrong.

>Consider donning an ugly mask to genital-block offending parties. Also, it's a disguise to avoid painful lovelorn retribution.

Yeah. That's probably not necessary. You're already pretty repulsive to the opposite sex to begin with. No. You need to fight fire with fire.

>Know any good ways to get superpowers of your own? You miiiiiiight just need them. Or to become a badass normal, but looking at you.... heh, no.

Yeah. That ain't happening... But maybe...

>Kiyoshi: It is obvious you cannot do much to help your friend as things are. Abscond and seek out master assassin to learn his/her ways of mysterious murder! You have to get to same power level as all these anime freaks, after all.

Ninja: I-idiot. It's not like I like you or anything. I just don't think it's very fun killing you in broad daylight.

OH DEAR SWEET MEEPO! YOU MADE IT WORSE!

>It seems the witch had some knowledge of the curse (and perhaps even a little ability to resist it); perhaps if you could get a chance to talk to her when Takeshi isn't around?

Wait... That's right. She was acting strange and seemed to know about this curse ahead of time. But how could you possibly separate these girls from Takeshi NOW?

>Kiyoshi: A more practical solution would be to get something cold, spray it over them, and then RUN LIKE THE DICKENS.

STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!

At least you got the Witch's attention.

[Bropocalypse]

>Kiyoshi's hot mom: Arrive

[Beatrice_the_Golden]

>Kiyoshi's hot mom: Arrive

That's right, the best friend's job is to have a hot mom and to provide info on the cute girls from school. Time to study up on your schoolmates!

[Pharmacy]

>Kiyoshi's hot mom: Turn out to be like a creepy man-panda who wears one brown loafer.