Don't Die

[informativeCloud]

>Smash potion in Bayn's face, he'll appreciate it. We need allies, not enemies, on this one.
>Do what above poster said.

[Lisawags]

>Try to heal Bayn

[Kíeros]

> Stab, stab, stab.

[SparkChaos]

> GREY: DUEL WIELD YOUR KNIVES TO ENGAGE IN DOUBLE EYE STABBING STUNTS.

[Steambot]

>Run the hell away.

[Xindaris]

>Throw the knife at its face as a distraction for a charging slash with your sword. You need to be in front anyway because Bayn evidently uses ranged weaponry.

[baxbound]

> Pick up Bayn and throw him at the goblin.

[electronicgoat]

Duel weild Butterfly Knife and Sword and cut off the goblin boss's arms.

You dual-wield the butterfly knife and sword! Radical²!



You chop the goblin boss's arm off! DECAPITATION! The goblin boss takes 5 damage! Unfortunately, you can only currently attack once per turn, having limited knowledge of dual wielding.



The goblin boss's arm falls off, spraying a fountain of blood.



Bayn sips down a health potion, restoring him to full health.



The goblin boss uses BASIC CANNIBALISTIC VAMPIRISM, absorbing his blood and healing him for 4 health points.

>

[BenBen]

Isn't decapitation only when your head is cut off?

[electronicgoat]

Isn't decapitation only when your head is cut off?

Decapitation (from Latin, caput, capitis, meaning head) is the separation of the head from the body.
So, yes.

[Xindaris]

The word you're looking for is "Dismemberment".

>Attack with the stronger of your weapons, presumably the sword. Aim for the chest this time.

[baxbound]

I'm surprised we aren't following the the golden rule of video games.

> Aim for the glowing eyes.

[SparkChaos]

> GREY: PICK UP THE DISMEMBERED GOBLIN ARM AND GIVE BAYN A HIGH FIVE

[Kíeros]

> Aim for the glowing eyes.

Right; we need to follow these insane rules.

[Jaxord]

> Aim for the glowing eyes.

Rules are rules.

[informativeCloud]

> Aim for the glowing eyes.

This please.

[informativeCloud]

> Aim for the glowing eyes.

This please.

[hero122]

>Utter witty punchline for +damage and moral, then CHOP OFF HIS GENITALS.
"Sir, I would love to keep fighting...
But you're a dick"

[alexthewhite]

If David Bowie can recharge Poignant Blood, he'll probably kill us.

Chop off one of his legs and make him fall over. Then call Bayn over to help you stomp the motherfucker to death.

[electronicgoat]

> Aim for the glowing eyes.

You stab his eyes, dealing a massive 10 DAMAGE!
Blood streams from both of his eyes.



You politely move out of the way, allowing Bayn to fire clearly.



Bayn fires a bolt at the goblin boss for 4 damage!



The goblin boss employs the BLOODMANCY TECHNIQUE; DEADEYE BLOODSTREAM!
Bayn takes a monolithic 16 DAMAGE!



Bayn has fallen over!
The goblin boss has blood streaming only from his left eye now.

>

show spoiler

hide spoiler

i am too lazy to fix the flipped health bar, yes i am that lazy

[baxbound]

>Throw Bayn at the Goblin god dammit. He is of no use to you anymore!

Or alternatively

>Since hurting him only seems to make him deal more damage, hug this fucker out of his misery. Give him all the love smothering you can muster.

[electronicgoat]

>Since hurting him only seems to make him deal more damage, hug this fucker out of his misery. Give him all the love smothering you can muster.

You bring it in for a hug. You and the goblin boss are locked in this tender, loving embrace. Emotions are pouring out of both of you, but as dignified men and warriors, you must keep them inside, hide them, silence them. You exchange feelings in a beautifully, silent, understanding moment that defies the preconceived notions of war itself; it brings into question why men and goblins fight, why these murderfests happen, instead of this beautiful serendipitous harmony of love, peace, and understanding.


He performs the LEGENDARY GOBLIN NAD KICK for 217 DAMAGE, because that's not how bosses work, asshole.

---GAME OVER---

HATS FOUND: 0
SPECIAL HATS FOUND: 0

TIMES HAT OF LIFE USED: 0
TIMES HAT OF DEATH USED: 0
TIMES HAT OF FIRE USED: 0
TIMES HAT OF MAGIC USED: 0
TIMES HAT OF CTHULU USED: 0
TIMES HAT OF END USED: 0/1

NPCS FOUND: 4.3333333333333333
NPCS KILLED: 2
NPCS RAPED: 0
NPCS HELPED: 0
NPCS PUT IN A MEAT GRINDER AND LEFT TO DIE A SLOW, PAINFUL DEATH: 0/3

FRAGMENTS OF HAT OF MAGIC FOUND: 0/3
FRAGMENTS OF HAT OF CTHULU FOUND: 0/7.5
FRAGMENTS OF HAT OF END FOUND: 0/863.33...

ROOMS EXPLORED: 4
RUINS EXPLORED: 0
CATACOMBS EXPLORED: 0
DUNGEONS EXPLORED: 3

TRAPS TRIGGERED: 0/8
TRAPS DISABLED: 0/8
TRAPS RIGGED: 0/3

CANDYCORN LOCATED: 0/4
MUSHROOMS LOCATED: 0/4
CHEESE LOCATED: 1/85

FACTION: NONE
FREEMASON MISSIONS COMPLETED: 0.11/7
THUNG'LA'FREEMAN MISSIONS COMPLETED: 0/2
SHARK MISSIONS COMPLETED: 0/5
SUNBRO MISSIONS COMPLETED: 0/1

POINTS: 201
RANK: MEANDERING NOVICE ADVENTURER WITH A HEART OF COPPER

PRESS REwwwwwY TO S_{ERR: NEW GAME++ REGISTRY FILES NOT REGIS, PLZ RELOA}TART AGAIL;;N@

[baxbound]

Oh. Well shit.

That turned out worse than expected. :o

[electronicgoat]

thanks for RUINING EVERYTHING baxbound

[Kíeros]

> Quit game for the night.