"Bee" the Mad Hacker: Coexistence is Overrated

[fictitiousCasualty]

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This fanadventure takes place in a universe where both humans and trolls live together. They inhabit multiple planets, but Integria is special as it is a home for both trolls and humans. In fact, each species put their capital on that planet. The story starts exactly two days prior to the very first player entering the medium with 9 sweep old Sollux Captor going through his normal everyday life. Dramatic (and stupid) events will cause tensions, and nothing at all will go as planned. These events (and most of whatever shenanigans end up happening....), however, are mostly up to you!
Written by me, fictitiousCasualty, and occasionally my awesome friend, killswitchPrecision!
Let us start the adventure
EDIT: Alright...soooo my "short" hiatus was over a month.
Yeah.
Anyway I'm going to get back to updating.
But there is another thing. It's something I've noticed.
This thing sucks.
BUT I don't want to give up on it.
I think the main problem is I wanted to give it a fixed setting...and sort of plan stuff.
Stuff I now think is, well, stupid.
but no.
screw that.
From now on
we're going to make this up completely as we go alone >
I RELISH ZE CHALLEGE!

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twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
TA: kk
CG: WHAT?
TA: are you ready?
CG: WE AREN’T PLAYING TODAY ARE WE?
TA: no iit2 2tiill two day2 away. ii ju2t like scariing you.
CG: OH WOW, FUCKASS, THAT’S SO HELPFUL.
CG: I’M GLAD YOU GAVE ME THAT PIECE OF SHITTY INFORMATION.
CG: IT’LL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT BEATING MY THINK PAN IN WITH A FUCKING RUSTY SHOVEL AND EMPTYING MY PROTEIN CHUTE INTO AN ABLUTION CHAMBER, NOOKSTAIN.
TA: kk, are you 2iick? That wa2nt a2 creatiive a2 u2ual.
TA: ju2t a2 2hiity though.
CG: ACTUALLY, YES. IT DOESN’T MATTER. DON’T HURT YOURSELF TOO MUCH OVER IT.
CG: ANYTHING ELSE?
TA: there are goiing two bee two team2. red and blue.
TA: ii will bee iin charge of blue and terezii iis—
CG: NO.
TA: okay how diid you iinterupt what ii already had typed out? Ii dont thiink that2 even po22iible, becau2e iit ii2nt.
CG: I AM THE LEADER. THE RED TEAM IS FUCKING MINE. I DON'T CARE IF WE ARE CALLED SOMETHING AS MORONIC AS TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY. I AM THE FUCKING LEADER.
TA: ugh. kk, lii2ten two me. They’ll try two fiind out your blood color.
CG: DO YOU THINK THAT EVEN MATTERS? WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE HEMOSPECTRUM WHEN EVERYONE WHO GIVES A SHIT IS DEAD? THERE ARE GOING TO BE FUCKING HUMANS WITH US, FOR FUCK’S SAKE. BESIDES, I DON’T GO AROUND WITH BLOOD SHOOTING OUT OF ME AS IF I’M A GOGDAMN FOUNTAIN WITH FEATHERBEAST WINGS STICKING OUT OF ME WHILE I STAND THERE FUCKING BARE ASSED NAKED, UNLIKE SOME OF YOU.
CG: OH WAIT. I MEANT ALL OF YOU.
CG: ALL OF YOU FUCKING DO THAT.
TA: fiine. Youre the leader. Are you happy?
CG: AS A FEATHERBEAST WITH SALTY, DEEP-FRIED POTATO STICKS NAMED AFTER SOME STUPID EARTH COUNTRY.
TA: kk? You know you cant just crash at egberts. Youll need to get two your hiive.
CG: WHAT?
TA: ii2 that a problem?
CG: NO. JUST. FUCK.
CG: FUCK.
CG: NEVERMIND THAT’LL BE FINE.
TA: iif you’re 2ure.
TA: kk?
CG: THAT IS ME.
TA: youre an a22hole.
twinArmageddons ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist
CG: I WOULD ATTEMPT TO GRACE THAT SENTENCE WITH A REPLY, EXCEPT…I DON’T WANT TO. SO THERE.
CG: FUCKASS.

==> "Bee" the mad hacker


Your name is SOLLUX CAPTOR. You are 9 sweeps old.
You are apeshit bananas at computers. In fact, you know all of the codes. ALL OF THEM. You are the BEST hacker in all of Integria, but you think you’d be better if you weren’t stuck in this TOTALLY LAME job in computer forensics at Integria’s worst best detective agency. You beat yourself up for taking the job, but it really is the best you can get with your MUSTARD BLOOD. You are of two minds about it. Not that it matters, because everyone will be dead soon anyway. You are a HIGH LEVEL PSIONIC who is plagued by the screams of the DECEASED. You have TERRIFYING BIPOLAR MOOD SWINGS and a partiality for BIFURCATION. Lucky for you, the ladies love your “double dangs” along with your lisp.
The lisp is the ultimate weapon in your bag of seducing.
You have developed a new game that you and your friends will play in precisely two days. You adapted it VIA THE CODING OF THE GLYPHS IN THE RUINS OF AN UNDERGROUND TEMPLE that was explored by a RUST BLOODED HOBO. She will be playing the game with you on one of the two teams. Your troll tag is twinArmageddons and you tend two 2peak wiith a biit of a li2p.
And you like bees…beeeeeeeeeeees
What are you going to do?

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I realize that the typing color for sollux is too bright...but i'm lazy. Sue me. I dare you. In the unlikely event you succeed I shall pay you twenty goats.

[Kíeros]

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It's #a1a100, for future reference.

> Talk to someone who is less likely to fly off the hook and insullt you.

[fictitiousCasualty]

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It's #a1a100, for future reference.

> Thank you! I owe you a goat!

==> Talk to someone less likely to insult you

It looks like quite a few people are on trollian right now. With so many options, you don't know who to choose. Vriska is...out of the question, Equius isn't exactly the best idea... and Karkat is on his troll period again so you probably shouldn't talk to them right now. You are of two minds on who to talk to.
Who will it be?

[deadlySNIPER]

Talk to that freaky fish guy.

[fictitiousCasualty]

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Phone calls will not be in color
oh and i didn't have my tablet today...so be warned about quality

==> Talk to that freaky fish guy
You know only one fish guy personally,and he isn't too freaky. The other calls you. Randomly...
drunk off of a human soperific substance. It could be that he is the reason why your phone is ringing right now. Dare you risk it?
==> Answer the phone

Something compels you to answer your phone just as it hits the voice mail. You aren't sure whether you'll regret it or not. While extremely irritating, it's also hilarious to talk to him; if it is him, and it is.
Voice mail: hello you’ve reached 2ollux Captor. Plea2e leave a me22age when ii give two 2hiit2—

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TA: hello?
CA: hey there sexy wwhat a nice vvoice you have
TA: oh god thii2 ii2 so pathetic
CA: wwhat?
TA: lii2ten dude… ii think you have the wrong number. Probably diialed iit iin drunken 2tupor. agaiin.
CA: wwhat
CA: you don’t lovve me?
CA: wwell fuck you then, stupid land dwweller.
CA: i
CA: I don’t need this. Im fuckin ROYALTY.
TA: are you cryiing
CA: no i am not fuckin cryin
TA: you're cryiing
CA: wwhats your point
CA: you dont knoww me
CA: im fuckin emperor
TA: 2ure you are. what happened two feferii then?
TA: Ii mean her iimperiious conde2cen2iion
CA: glub if i knoww
TA: what diid you do two her??
CA: i didnt do anyfin
CA: i just wwoke up and she wwas gone
TA:..
CA: hello?
CA: wwanna fill a bucket

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TA: ii cant beliieve iit
CA: wwhat
TA: ii haven't talked two her iin 2weep2
TA: iim 2uch a fucking iidiiot!!
CA: wwell youd havve to be not to wwant some of this wwithout seain a bit of it first
TA: 2hut up freaky fii2h guy!
CA: i am not a freaky fish guy!
TA: you dont even care that 2he2 gone
TA: you a22hole
CA: i fuckin lovve her!
CA: but no she left the wwhole fuckin palace wwithout so much as a glub
CA: all that i saww wwas a big puddle on her throne and her crowwn sittin in it
CA: kinda fishy
TA: ...
TA: what color wa2 the puddle
CA: wwhy
CA: do you evven knoww her
TA: what color wa2 the puddle fii2h breath!
CA: weh
TA: ...
CA: lemme go check (fuckin landdwweller tellin me wwhat to do)
CA: (i should have him culled)
TA: hurry up!!
CA: pink
TA: what??
CA: color of her fuckin blood
TA: no iit cant bee!!
CA: wwell it is
CA: probably cheatin on me
CA: wwill you be my matesprit?
TA: oh my fuckiing god
TA: iim goiing to fiind you
TA: and fuckiing kiill you
CA: oh so you wwanna go blackrom
CA: I hate you too
[your phone explodes, but because you picked it up late it's still recording]
CA: hello?
CA: wwait i didn't get your name
CA: wwhatevver
CA: landdwwellers
CA: think they can hateflirt wwith me and hang up
CA: wwell ill showw em
[Your voice mail box explodes]

==> flip the fuck out

You are flipping the fuck out. Entirely sure that if that guy wasnt drunk he would be less moronic, you set out to find him.
But you have no money.
Shit.
How will you get there?

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSYQoUfhEME
YES

[superexpomarker]

steal your neighbors motorcycle
or
beg your boss for a raise and an early check

[superexpomarker]

oops double post

[meteorMirror]

> Can't you... fly or hover? Pretty sure you could do that. Or you could ask your neighbor if their hoofbeast lusus might be able to take you on your errand.

[fictitiousCasualty]

==> Fly or hover

You could do that, but no one can know about your AWESOME PSIONIC POWERS. You don't want to end up on some ship enslaved for thousands of years.
That would really suck.
You suppose there always IS your neighbor's hoofbeast lusus...that is...if he lets you use it. Maybe you should borrow it and return it later that night? It's not like you wouldn't bring it back. Nothing could possibly go wrong, unless something does.
Should you talk to your neighbor before taking his lusus or not?

[Kíeros]

> Yes. You're not a thief.

[meteorMirror]

₪ Well seeing as its a lusus it wouldn't listen to you even if you tried, so yeah better talk your neighbor into it

[fictitiousCasualty]

==> Talk to your neighbor

You decide to go over to your neighbor's and ask him. You aren't a Vriska nor can you speak lusus. You knock on his poorly drawn door with a poorly drawn hand, and even though he does not open it he does speak from inside.

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CT: D --> Yes
TA: why wont you open the door
CT: ...I am a little busy
TA: oh yeah? doiing what? lookiing at your hoofbea2t po2ter2?
CT: D --> That is a definite possibility, lowb100d.
TA: forget ii asked that
CT: D --> What is it you want
TA: could ii borrow your lusus?
CT: D --> Why? What possible use could you have for my lusus and his e%ceptionally STRONG milk.
TA: Ii want to riide hiim.
CT: D --> I would not let a lowb100d demean him so.
TA: Don't be an a22hole, EZ. Iit's iimportant!!
CT: D --> Such 100d language.
TA: come on!! ii need hiim two help me 2ave a giirl.
CT: D --> Is this girl a highb100d?
TA: doe2 it matter?
CT: D --> ...
TA: ugh ye2. 2he2 practiically royalty.
CT: D --> I will think about it.
TA: oh for fuck2 2ake ju2t giive me your lu2u2.
CT: D --> Are you commanding me, lowb100d?
TA: Ii wiill knock thii2 door down!!
CT: D --> wait a moment
CT: D --> ...
CT: D --> ...I need a towel.
CT: D --> If you get me a clean one I will let you borrow Aurthour.
TA: fiine. Fiine. Ii'll get you your towel.

Great. Just great. Now you have to go all the away across town to Troll Wal-Mart to get him a towel. It's really no big deal, since you live in the suburbs outside of the capital city you won't have to walk too far. Unfortunately, you live in the weird part of town. This won't be fun.

[meteorMirror]

₪ Why don't you give your o- wait stupid question. Start heading to Troll Wal-Markt, also speaking of Vriska, isn't that her running away Troll Assassin Creed style from a mob of highblood guards? Must be wensday.

[Kíeros]

> Well, guess that's that. Head on over quickly.

[fictitiousCasualty]

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₪ Why don't you give your o- wait stupid question. Start heading to Troll Wal-Markt, also speaking of Vriska, isn't that her running away Troll Assassin Creed style from a mob of highblood guards? Must be wensday.

rawrg! this will take me till tomorrow to do because I have my friend doing some art and I need my tablet so i can do something decent. but yes. so much yes. In the mean time...here's the last update till tomorrow

==> Hurry to Troll WalMart


Kind of hard to hurry when you aren't very athletic, can't use your psionic powers, and it's on the other end of town. You'll just have to take your time and not get distracted while walking with as much hacker swagger as you can. Something blue is at the end of your vision though, and it's not your glasses making it blue. This speck appears to be surrounded by several other specks. Wait...you know that speck. You hung out occasionally with that speck a couple of sweeps ago, and thanks to your job you have the joy of tracking her occasionally, although her footsteps are more easily traced on ground through computers. It's...the spiderbitch. Well it is wednesday...but what the hell is she doing?

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since I already have the next update planned out I don't need suggestions for it. HOWEVER suggestions on why Vriska is running are very much appreciated!

[superexpomarker]

> she kidnapped Feferi. It was her.

[Kíeros]

(Doing the obvious thing so you can technically include it)
> Go up and berate that spidertroll.

[meteorMirror]

> Well either one of three things:
1: She started a riot, yet again.
2: She stole a whole grocery store, yet again.
3: Or she has finally robbed the bank of that certain item, which you partly coded the defense system for. That certain item was a book that was made out the journals of the 8 Pirate Lords. You get the feeling you'll have a job soon, well if the game doesn't destroy the world before then.

[fictitiousCasualty]

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well since my friend is kind of busy...instead of something epic you get an awful gif I made. woo~

==>

>::::)
Yep. It's definitely Vriska.
"Sollux:Go up and berate that spidertroll"

Yeah! That's what you'll do! It's what she gets for trying to make you work your day off!

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Helloooooooo, Sollux!!!!!!!! It's 8een a while. Still got that lisp????????
Vrii2ka what are you doiing
Well it is Wednesday.
Iit doe2nt look liike you 2tole a whole grocery 2tore.
I went to the 8ank today instead >::::)
liie2. Youd have more money than that tiiny bag.
You know me 8etter than that!!!!!!!! I wouldn't tell 8l8tant lies, especially one that's so stupiiiiiiiid.
The only other explaiinatiion ii2 that you diidn't get away and you diid. Be2iide2 you would totally liie two me.
What if I said I wasn't stealing money????????
Vrii2ka ii dont have tiime for thii2 iim bu2y. Al2o ii dont care.
That is the 8iggest lame that has ever come out of your mouth. Don't 8e so 8oring. Don't you want to know what I diiiiiiiid???????? ::::(
iim bu2y!!
8usy doing what????????
Gettiing a towel.
Lamest excuse ever.
fiine what diid you do??
I only stole one item with my amaziiiiiiiing thief prowess. It was a 8ook, 8ut not just any 8ook!!!!!!!! It was a veryyyyyyyy expensive and rare 8ook.
Waiit 2piiderbiitch whiich bank were you at?
I thought you didnt care, Sollux. ::::O
Oh come on ii know you love braggiing about thii2 ju2t tell me.
The one downtown by troll walmart!!!!!!!! It was waaaaaaaay too easy. I pro8a8ly could have walked right into that vault and took it.
That2 iimpo22iible. Ii coded the defen2e 2y2tem my2elf.
O8viously you failed at it. Don't worry, Sollux. Not every8ody can be as perfect as me.
2hut up. Iit would take 2omeone wiith awe2ome hackiing 2kiill2 to get iinto that vault. That2 2omethiing ii know you dont have.
Are you suggesting I was in cahoots with someone? Cahoooooooots???????? >::::O
iit depend2. What book wa2 iit?
Are you sure you want to know?
ye2.
Are you reallyyyyyyyy sure?
Ye2 iim 2ure!!
I wouldn't want to ruin your self esteem. Oh w8t........yes I would!!!!!!!! It's a little 8ook made out of the journals of the 8 gr8test pirate lords. You might have heard of it >::::)
that2 iit who were you iin cahoot2 wiith
I dont know what you're talking a8out. I did it all 8y myself, 8eing the 8est and all.
2tay here. Iim calliing terezii.
I cant have you calling your stupid teal 8lood 8oss >::::(
What are you doiing??
You cant do that!!

"Sollux: Stand there looking stupid"

Looks like I can. Tough 8r8k. See you around Sollux!!!!!!!!

You hate it when she does that, but you hate it even more when it works. You have no idea how she could have gotten past your state of the art security system. YOU coded it. It was foolproof! She had to have had help. But...who? Who would help her? Does anyone even like her? Maybe you are just a failure...You suck. You are worthless. You probably shouldn't even get to play the game, you'd only slow your team down. What if you didn't code that right either? You're better off dead than alive. When you buy that towel you should cover your face with it and die of asphyxiation. Of course, Equius wouldn't like that, but honestly he's just one more person you'd disappoint. You are the biggest failure ever.
With how well you thought you coded it, Vriska shouldn't have been able to get passed the security system on her own. So, in the event that she isn't lying about having help, you must have made a mistake. You make a mental note to check the bank before going to troll walmart. It's what Terezi would want you to do. She won't be too happy about this situation. No matter what the reason for Vriska's success you know you'll have a job to do later, if the world doesn't end first.
But personally, You'd rather be anyone but you right now.

[meteorMirror]

> Um Sollux watch out for the... angry mob of highbloods that just ran over you. You alright there?

[fictitiousCasualty]

"Sollux: Watch out for the...nevermind."

This is what happens when you're a lowblood in this world. No respect. Chances are they cracked your skull, because you feel as though your think pan is leaking out. Your right leg is probably also broken. You want desperately to beat them with your psionic powers. Instead, you settle for the next best thing. You flip them off.

[meteorMirror]

> I think one of them saw that... yup... and he threw a a brick and a bundle of towels at you, though said towels are prankster towels that are made to randomly combust

[fictitiousCasualty]

"Sollux: Be hit by towel"

Oh no! The green blooded one saw you. You brace yourself for the potential beatings and...... get hit by a towel. Huh. You weren't expecting that. Maybe these highbloods aren't so bad? They must have heard you talking to Vriska about your towel crisis and decided to spare you the visit to troll walmart. How kind.
==>

AAAARRRGGLLLLLLAAAAAATTTTTHHHHFDGBH.
Congratulations, your face is burning. Serves you right, trusting a towel given to you by a stranger! Strange towels always turn out to be John Egbert's Spontaneously Combusting Prank Towels trademarked by Strider Corp. Always. You have not been spared your trip to troll walmart, but are now in need of a trip to the hospitroll.

[superexpomarker]

Oh no. Sollux!
>Be the near by brown blood

[meteorMirror]

₪ That wednesday... Seems like female yellowblood saw all of that, and is heading to Sollux. Removing the towel and somehow starts healing him (Heal feels oddly warm and welcoming) fully, before picking him up, guess she taking him to her hive.