I HAVE to blow everything up! It's the only way to prove I'm not CRAZY!
Donate that 10,000 for Kickstarter in the name of my friend.
But I'll put the mailing address for me so I get the cool stuff and they get the letter.
And then I'll live off the money for the rest of my life, never needing to work again.
Fix Eurozone Economy. Repay US debt. Buy the Bahamas. Bribe worlds nations into letting me own Antarctica and raise army of penguins. In that order. (How obscene are we talking exactly? Enough so that I can do that? Is this a thing that I can do?)
If not, then buy me a big assed boat and sail the pacific forever only coming to shore for supplies. Fuck civilisation. (besides, I hear satellite internet is getting better all the time )
I'd grind up a bunch of dollar bills and mix it with cement to build the foundation of my gigantic, sprawling mansion. The interior would have walls lined with money. The couches would be stuffed with money, the dining room table adorned with money. My bed, it would be a waterbed MADE OF MONEY. My computer? OUT OF MONEY.
You can pretty much imagine how the rest of this already tired joke will go. I'll consider it a success if you groaned.
Build a mansion filled with puzzles.
Like you have to put two gems in the mouth of a stone tiger which gives you a key that unlocks a door to a room with combination in an umbrella stand that opens a safe which contains a medallion that folds out into a second key etc. etc...
Then hire mercenaries to kidnap people who wont be missed for a couple of weeks. People about to go on holiday on their own, that sort of thing. And then they wake up in a room with no idea how they got there.
And then see how long it takes them to get out.
Spend part of it on a cruise to Oahu, Hawaii.
Find the nearest game store, then buy a PlayStation Vita and a copy of Touch My Katamari.
Buy a big mansion on top of one of the mountains.
Get a MasterCard credit card.
Use said credit card for my Apple ID and PSN.
Buy everything on my wishlist.
Buy parts to an interdimensional portal maker.
Warp everything that I always wanted to my mansion.
Live the best life imaginable.
What? Everyone was doing it. [link]
If I won a surprising to an absurd amount of money, I'd give most of it to all the creators whom I've pirated things from
"I used to encourage everyone I knew to make art..........I don't do that so much anymore." -Banksy
Step 1: Hire smart people to make a super adhesive ball.
Step 2: Aquire super snazzy green dress and purple tights.
Step 3: Roll ball around.
Step 4: Sing "Na na na na na na.."
Step 5: Make new planet.
Step 6: Rule new planet, use resources to gain an obscene amount of money.
Step 7: Repeat.
OTP OF THE DAY: ARDirk
Realistically, like winning a few million in a lottery? Yeah, settle into an upper middle class lifestyle, one story home, invest most of it.
1: Pay all the right people to make all those games in the "Games that should exist" thread.
2: Pay for the materials, workers, etc. necessary to construct the world's most ridiculously and unnecessarily frivolous mansion, in which only the legally homeless could live in, for up to 24 hours, made out of such expensive and unstable building materials as condensed saffron, condensed caviar, diamonds, gold, silver, you name it. I'm sure I'd allow other people to live there or nearby in nice homes built specifically to serve that mansion - for guards, hobos who're waiting their turn, butlers, maintenance and construction workers, etc.
3: Refuse to wear anything but a tuxedo, matching black dress pants, socks and shoes, as well as a top hat and monocle. Maybe a cane, too - I'm undecided on that. Basically, as stereotypically rich-looking and douche-y as possible at all times, everywhere.
4: Pay for formal voice lessons in order to give myself a stereotypically British accent, to be used at all applicable times.
5: Pay for formal speech rehabilitation lessons to modify my vocabulary so that, instead of using the words I do now, I'd use much, MUCH more stereotypically posh words to describe even the most mundane, run-of-the-mill things.
6: Pay all the right people to have a cameo in as much media as possible, including, but not limited to: movies, television show episodes, cartoons, novels, children's books, random photographs with strangers I've never met before, video games, songs, music videos, biographies and even auto-biographies of people I've never met before, to turn myself into a living easter egg or "where's Waldo."
7: Pay everyone necessary to create a man-made, true-to-life fantasy island, on which some lucky people can be taken to, after being randomly chosen in a lottery created for this very purpose, to have one wish fulfilled, if it's possible to throw enough money at it to fulfill it.
8: Pay someone to aggressively, and even violently if necessary, guilt trip me regularly into doing such things as learning new languages, how to play different instruments better than just at a novice level, etc, because lord knows I don't have the motivation to do anything like that on my own.
9: Pay for advertising for the most ridiculous things, or even for nothing at all, simply to take up air time in a way that makes people happier. Advertisements made purely to tell people jokes they've never heard before, to introduce them to new things they might enjoy - websites, videos, songs, games, etc. - you name it, I'd pay to have it advertised on major television stations worldwide.
10: Sink as much money as is necessary into making jetpacks commonplace and affordable for the average, middle-class consumer - in addition to this, they must also run purely on electricity and all of them must have a minimum four hour battery life, preferably more like ten.
asdfsdfsd I'm already at ten things, I have GOT to stop writing. ;w;
OH GOSH, OKAY, JUST THIS ONE MORE
11: Pay creative people like you to constantly help me come up with more ideas on how better to spend my money - probably through a website created for this purpose, where good ideas can be upvoted by people who agree with them, and stuff.
asfdgfd dammit, this one's kind of important to me, ONE MORE.
12: Throw as much money around promoting whistling as possible, until and after it becomes as globally recognised an art as singing and dancing. Build as many buildings, hire as many employees and buy out as many labels as necessary to achieve this goal.
Last edited by CertifiedOwl; 10-03-2012 at 09:16 AM.
I would pledge the highest tier to the kickstarter, buy ALL THE ANIMU FIGURES, do a bunch of good cosplays, get myself a place on the beach in Massachusetts, buy my family a new house and pay their bills. I would also buy all of the things on my Amazon wishlist, buy more canvases, and buy a fucking CAR
oh and fund the oncest porn movie
i'm sami and i like penis
my chumhandle is grimCentaur and so is my tumblr
i'm sami and i sing in da choir
Buy the Brazilion Rainforest, set up walkways and stuff, kick out any poachers, then charge people admission to see all the animals and stuff.
The first thing I would do is stop working.
Then take over the world.
Let's just say that my ideas would involve a monkey and a giant slingshot...
Build a home so modern that it doesn't fit inside normal geometries. It would also have a kickass kitchen and the world's blurriest garden.
Past that, I dunoo. Crash the economy of a small country? Fund technologies that I think are super important? Invest the cash and get EVEN MORE MONEY? I'd probably have to think about it.
Buy the SWEETEST D&D SETUP EVER. Leather-bound copies of EVERY BOOK, ALL of the miniatures POSSIBLE, enough terrain for ANY POSSIBLE ENCOUNTER, the COOLEST DICE EVER (one set for each of my players, of course), a kickass game room to house all of this, including a table with a TOUCHSCREEN DISPLAY to show stays effects and terrain I can't buy, an infinite supply of SNACKS, and a kickass sound system that I can control from the DM throne (a fully computerized captain's chair that has everything from a mini fridge to a butt-warmer) to play battle music. Then I would run the MOST KICKASS CAMPAIGN EVER.
Also: two chicks at once.
Buy miles and miles of land and preserve it. And then pay the oyster fishermen to not harvest any from the chesapeake for 10 years.
tumbl with me "El-ahrairah, your people cannot rule the world, for I will not have it so. All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you, digger, listener, runner, prince with the swift warning. Be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed.
Pay someone to take my AP World History notes. Seriously.
Also I'd lavish my friends and loved ones (especially my girlfriend teehee) in gifts and clothes and jewlery, and buy out these two etsy shops.
Plus, I'd be able to buy all the albums I'm currently not exactly owning! ('Cept Streetlight Manifesto. They told me to pirate it. Arrg.)
Then I'd pay for my art school fees and hire a hypnotist for reasons.
Then I'd donate most of it, and put the rest of it in the bank.
video killed the radio star - my tumblr
Handed obscene amounts of money?
First, I'd unf the amount. 'cause fuck yes obscene.
Then fund ridiculous ventures that only someone who can piss away cash can do provided they end up self-sustaining.