Sex Ed Thread Seven: Gay Marriage for Everyone!

[egregiousBass]

Just decided to check out the candy corn. Wow Hatman, I didn't know you were French and pansexual!

*ahem*

When you develop a serious crush on someone, do you think it ever goes away forever, even after a long time of not seeing them?

In my experience, it just flares right up again whenever that person comes back into your life, unless they've changed, or your opinion of them has.

[curiousTerminal]

I finally came out to my siblings, though as bi, not pan. (I figure it's easier for now)
Still really nervous about the general public, and especially my parents.

[SkaianRedeemer]

When you develop a serious crush on someone, do you think it ever goes away forever, even after a long time of not seeing them?

Maybe. Maybe if they ch--

In my experience, it just flares right up again whenever that person comes back into your life, unless they've changed, or your opinion of them has.

Dammit Bass, what is the point in gratuitously quoting myself if you're going to answer your own questions?

Realistically speaking, if you like something about someone (appearance, personality, the lucky combination of both), it only makes sense that you would still like it later on, unless they've changed or you have. Crushes are built up over time, but they have a rooted foundation, and your mind loves the jolt from it so much that it's happy to perk up and start chittering on like a little id-chipmunk. "Oh, it's this person again! I like them. I like them a lot. You should kiss them. Huh? Huh? You should kiss them now."

Are you hoping it would go away for a reason, or are you just asking in general?

[Ace of Dark-Hearts]

speaking of candy corns, i'm kind of annoyed that my omorashi candycorn is still listed under other as "candycorn with different shades of yellow." Rather than the sexuality section.

not sure if confusion or kinkcensorship

I didn't even realize that it was supposed to signify omorashi? I just thought it was yellow because that's sort of your theme I guess. Is your favorite color yellow? #Important Questions

Kink corns are simultaneously a great idea and a terrible idea. I think I'd advocate them for the sole purpose of curiosity.

I finally came out to my siblings, though as bi, not pan. (I figure it's easier for now)
Still really nervous about the general public, and especially my parents.

Congratulations. I hope all goes well for you. Regarding your parents, is there an especially pressing reason that compels you to come out to your parents? Coming out to parents is sort of a thing I wouldn't recommend unless you feel like you need to. In my personal experience, it just makes things complicated and strange. Is it a worthwhile sacrifice to ease the burden on your mind? That's for you to decide.

Just decided to check out the candy corn. Wow Hatman, I didn't know you were French and pansexual!

Candy corns are paramount.

[Hatman Hatmyth Hatlegend]

Just decided to check out the candy corn. Wow Hatman, I didn't know you were French and pansexual!

I've gone on at length about the second but not the first. Internet law (and even then, the corns are put in order so they should read Male Pansexual Ditto French-Canadian) pretty much states that I should never be accepted anywhere between homophobia, anti-bi/pansexual sentiment in the gay community, French hatred, French-Canadian hatred and last but not least area hatred.

So I kind of try to mask it whenever I can.

Except here. Because you guys are awesome and all.

[egregiousBass]

Are you hoping it would go away for a reason, or are you just asking in general?

I asked because I was wondering about something I felt for a person this summer who I hadn't seen for nearly a year (and I had those feelings back then as well). There was no sign of it at first, but then he gradually reminded me how awesome he was and the butterflies came back.

It's like I have a particular way of appreciating that person, and I don't really want it to go away, even though it's unrequited. It kinda makes me wonder what it means to be 'over' someone.


Anyway, thanks for the reply. I like the idea of a crush with a rooted foundation

I've gone on at length about the second but not the first. Internet law (and even then, the corns are put in order so they should read Male Pansexual Ditto French-Canadian) pretty much states that I should never be accepted anywhere between homophobia, anti-bi/pansexual sentiment in the gay community, French hatred, French-Canadian hatred and last but not least area hatred.

So I kind of try to mask it whenever I can.

Except here. Because you guys are awesome and all.

Sadly, I have a hatred for Ditto, and because of that, you must leave forever.

[Hatman Hatmyth Hatlegend]

I've been over two people - One of them I chat regularly with. The relationship had closure and we are now very good friends. We no longer acknowledge the both of us as a couple and do not do things that are couple-related. While I'd still tap dat just to see what it's like post-op, I want to stay friends with her FAR MORE than any romantic or sexual feeling.

The other, I never want to see again and would likely lariat on sight and it's been 10 years.

As far as just... crushes, there are some I regret not acting upon, others I regret acting upon in terms of longing thoughts but if I were to meet these people, I'd simply accept that the time has come and gone. I think being over them is being able to let go even though you would still have feelings for that person but I'm not exactly a balanced individual so I'd take it with a grain of salt. When you can interact with them normally without butterflies or any thoughts/regrets, I think you're over them.

* * *

Yo man if you hatin' on my main blob ditto we gonna have words

No really, all of the words. all of them.

[ArmsAreLoud]

anti-bi/pansexual sentiment in the gay community

Is this actually a thing? I haven't really delved into it much because I'm still at the point where it would be bad being seen as being part of the gay community so I have no experience with it but I look at this quote and think "wait what this is stupid."

[Hatman Hatmyth Hatlegend]

I guess it was more prominent back then because even today I don't want no parts of that shit but locally the anime club at my junior college became the de-facto LGBT club because the actual LGBT alliance pretty much shat on the bisexuals and transgenders for some reason. I never really knew what that was.

However, the whole "Bisexuals are just gays who don't want to admit they're gay." or it's opposite is stuff I still somewhat hear.

[egregiousBass]

Is this actually a thing? I haven't really delved into it much because I'm still at the point where it would be bad being seen as being part of the gay community so I have no experience with it but I look at this quote and think "wait what this is stupid."

Yes, it totally is. And it's so dumb. I've heard gays say things like "Why won't he pick a side already" or "he's trying to have it both ways". Stupid people are not exclusive to one sexual orientation.

[ArmsAreLoud]

Yeah that... really sucks. I've kinda been reexamining my opinion on men recently and giving me shit for that would be a damn good way to make me leave and never come back. :T

[Hatman Hatmyth Hatlegend]

F'real though, fuck the haters. Wait I think I should revise this terminology. Have sexual encounters with the haters.

Erm, no wait that is not what I meant.

But still though if you believe you would be happier by revising it or if you want to do it, I would say "by all means". Hell, my ex went from a straight male, to a bi female, to a lesbian, to a hetero female to returning to a bi female.

[egregiousBass]

Yeah that... really sucks. I've kinda been reexamining my opinion on men recently and giving me shit for that would be a damn good way to make me leave and never come back. :T

Did I tell you it was exclusive to men? :V

Well, I guess in my example, I was.

[ArmsAreLoud]

That is... honestly even worse. Okay, let me rephrase: A gay rights group judging someone for exploring his/her sexuality and not being totally and completely sure or simply being sure the answer is "all of the above" is a terrible thing and I would not feel right being part of a group that does that.

[Hatman Hatmyth Hatlegend]

That's the fun part - You don't have to be part of that if it doesn't suit you. The problem, of course, is finding a same (although in your case it would be opposite) sex partner without the actual community.

[curiousTerminal]

Congratulations. I hope all goes well for you. Regarding your parents, is there an especially pressing reason that compels you to come out to your parents? Coming out to parents is sort of a thing I wouldn't recommend unless you feel like you need to. In my personal experience, it just makes things complicated and strange. Is it a worthwhile sacrifice to ease the burden on your mind? That's for you to decide.

I'd say yes. I feel hiding it is kind of like lying to them, and I'm not fond of lying to people.
Of course, that's my own stance on it, and not anyone else's

[pirrou]

It's like I have a particular way of appreciating that person, and I don't really want it to go away, even though it's unrequited. It kinda makes me wonder what it means to be 'over' someone.

Man, I have the same deal. I don't WANT to meet somebody I like just as much but who actually lives near me, because it may be screwed up, but I don't want anybody to take this person's place.


Moving on, it seems like every time I try to write kinky smut, I end up with humorous, character-driven tales of friendship. What gives?

[Chirijiradin]

Not sure if this is OK, but I'm re-posting this from the Flip the Fuck Out thread...I'll delete it if asked though.

So, I wound up telling one of the people I was crushing on my feelings. As I figured, they rejected me. But at least we're still friends, so I'm happy for that.

But...I've recently been just flat out craving physical interaction. And I don't know why. It's...scaring me, to put it bluntly. Like I feel so impossibly desperate that I'm starting to develop feelings for practically everyone, and that is not OK in the slightest. I know that a grand total of 0 of them will ever see me in that way. Or even be in the same general location, due to all of them being over the internet because I'm a social failure who can't fucking talk to practically anyone.

I guess the closest term I can come up with that works is 'sexual frustration', but I don't want sex. At all. I'm planning on saving myself for marriage, but I seriously doubt that will happen, so whatever. Plus that's not a severe enough description. It's starting to interfere with my life, or what little of it I have, because these god damn thoughts are constantly bombarding me. I just want to be held, or cuddle (even if I have no idea what cuddling feels like, I just keep hearing from all of my friends that it's 'fantastic' and 'you should really try it' and god fucking damn it, I'm never going to have someone to do that with so just SHUT UP ABOUT IT) or something, I don't even know at this point.

I need help, I just don't know what or how...

[Cauchemar]

You're being a lot too binary about this.

Your main mistake is to "confess your feelings" rather than just acting according to them. That's like asking to someone an authorization to kiss them while you're on a date: most of people just translate this as insecurity, and even if they don't, they'll start considering the situation cerebrally rather than emotionally. And cerebrally, they'll find out you are placing an unilateral load on their shoulders. In your approach, they are a neutral subject you come in front of saying all of your feelings at once.

I've seen cases where this approach works, but generally, it fails, just because it's an awkward way to court someone.

If you just ask someone to come with you see a movie, or to have a drink with you, they will probably have a good idea of the fact you are romantically and/or sexually interested in them. And before kissing, you don't need more. The mystery of reciprocal attraction, of the uncertainty of this reciprocal attraction, deserves to be tasted and appreciated.

[TwoKillerMockingbirds]

Chirijiradin: I am really tired so I'm not even sure what I'm saying, but I'm going to go ahead and say it anyways.

You can cuddle with friends, you know. Next time one of your friends says, "You should really cuddle," I suggest saying "Move over." Earlier I had posted a question if there was a word for being randomly 'turned on' to want to hold someone, to just feel physical contact.

In fact, I'd say that is what you're craving- social contact. It's not desperate, and its not necessarily falling for people. Touch is not wrong. I've found that if you have a small couch, maybe inviting people over and all cramming on there, or giving hugs to friends- if any of those wouldn't be too difficult, or if I've just been off-base, here, but I would say that wanting to hold or be held is not desperation. I wouldn't even say it's indicative of romantic urges, just a human urge.

[Cauchemar]

Yeah, this too.

I kiss all of my friends on the cheeks (except the ones who expressed clearly they don't like this), and I hug most of them most of the time, and they don't consider me strange about this.

If you're disturbed about the idea of hugs anyway, try THE PERFECT MAN HUG in order to stay MANLY.

(Wow, gender identity sure is stupid.)

[Hatman Hatmyth Hatlegend]

I've seen cases where this approach works, but generally, it fails, just because it's an awkward way to court someone.

The only time I've had this work in my two relationships is WAY WAY AFTER the relationship is initiated as some sort of polite major ham moment.

[Chirijiradin]

That's a big problem then, because I've never really done it any other way. That's just how I think about it, but I guess that's wrong. I don't know how to act accordingly to my feelings, as I've never done it before. The two """relationships""" I've been in have always started with the other party asking me, and I (looking back on it now, that was fucking moronic on my part) said yes. And I had no idea what to do. I wanted to try and do something, but I was always too nervous, or I thought I was going to screw it up horribly, or that they would just drop me like a sack of potatoes if I actually went through with it, or I don't even know any more, just insert horrible scenarios until you feel sick to even think about doing what you were planning on, and that is always what happened, I didn't do anything.

And I really can't try asking someone to a movie or coffee if there's nobody around. Or be able to get there (unless I walked there), or be able to pay for my own whatever. As for the cuddling/hugging, my friends would find that highly off-putting, as would I. Because one of the reasons this is scaring me is because I don't like physical contact, and will go far out of my way to avoid it.

...Or I could just try and ignore and deal with all of these damnable urges and just wait until I am back in college, because at that time I should be able to drive and have a job for some sort of income, as well as being able to at least try to meet some new people. Because all of the people I talk to on a regular basis are states away. Not sure when that will be, I was hoping for the spring semester, but it might be next year's fall semester. All of my plans that I had so far have fallen apart around me, it could be two years, it could be never, I don't even know at this point.

[Selcouth]

Kink corns are simultaneously a great idea and a terrible idea. I think I'd advocate them for the sole purpose of curiosity.

I'd say they're kind of a bad idea? I mean, they definitely show something about oneself, but for those of us, including me, whose kinks/fetishes are.... odd, controversial, and some would say "disgusting" or "appalling" (trust me, I'd think it's appalling too if I didn't, er, like it in that sort of way) those corns might be a bad idea. But then again, I guess if you're ashamed of it you don't have to use the corn. I don't know where I'm going with this post.

[pirrou]

I think realistically, not everybody wants to see references to specific sexual preferences while browsing through the main corn thread. Not a great idea.