Sex Ed Thread Seven: Gay Marriage for Everyone!

[pirrou]

Except that the potential consequence isn't being judged by fun-suckers, the potential consequence is personally triggering one of my best friends to focus on his insecurities in an area that frequently causes him suicidal thoughts. So, no, not continuing full speed ahead with my middle fingers in the air.

[wrinklefudger]

Except that the potential consequence isn't being judged by fun-suckers, the potential consequence is personally triggering one of my best friends to focus on his insecurities in an area that frequently causes him suicidal thoughts. So, no, not continuing full speed ahead with my middle fingers in the air.

On some level I wish more people showed your level of empathy. On the other, I am turning your problems into mine. There is nothing wrong with being proud, but you need not flaunt it. If you must brag, be careful, and know when you may be crossing a line.

[ArmsAreLoud]

I dunno, I don't see why you can't be happy about making your way through your struggles without being supportive of his.

On a completely different note, I am trying to move out of my parents' house ASAP and was wondering if anyone knows of a good way to find lgbt-supportive housing. I remember finding a site for this purpose a while back but my stupid past self decided not to favorite it for whatever reason. I really just need a safe place to transition and I think it'd be silly to start paying for a new place that'll turn me out if my roommate catches me in a dress, y'know?

[wrinklefudger]

I dunno, I don't see why you can't be happy about making your way through your struggles without being supportive of his.

On a completely different note, I am trying to move out of my parents' house ASAP and was wondering if anyone knows of a good way to find lgbt-supportive housing. I remember finding a site for this purpose a while back but my stupid past self decided not to favorite it for whatever reason. I really just need a safe place to transition and I think it'd be silly to start paying for a new place that'll turn me out if my roommate catches me in a dress, y'know?

does texas have a gay pride parade? If so, it would probably be a good idea to find a place on the parade route. Frankly I don't expect this to have a positive outcome down there, but if you have to stay in the lonestar state, that area would probably be the best of a bad situation.

edit: also, I am pretty sure it is illegal to kick you out for being trans, even in the south

[Selcouth]

On a completely different note, I am trying to move out of my parents' house ASAP and was wondering if anyone knows of a good way to find lgbt-supportive housing. I remember finding a site for this purpose a while back but my stupid past self decided not to favorite it for whatever reason. I really just need a safe place to transition and I think it'd be silly to start paying for a new place that'll turn me out if my roommate catches me in a dress, y'know?

Do you perhaps have a supportive friend, sibling, relative, etc. that you can stay with?

[Ace of Dark-Hearts]

@Arms: Well, I don't really know of any specific areas, but apparently larger cities tend to be more lgbt-friendly, so if you're planning to move anywhere specifically because of a high lgbt-count, I'd suggest a booming city? *shurg*

@Pirrou: Blogs are for thing YOU enjoy and YOU like to look at, not for dancing around your friends' triggers. You should have no shame for enjoying the female anatomy, in my opinion. I mean, I highly doubt they'd judge you for that, if they're worthwhile friends at all. I can see where your head is at with sort of rubbing it in their faces, but that's not at all what you're doing, and I wouldn't worry about it.

[Everanix]

I can see where you're coming from Pirrou. I've been in a vaguely similar situation pretty recently. I agree though that you really shouldn't try to hide your happiness for fear of upsetting your friends, not because getting upset would make them bad friends, but because you have every right to celebrate when good things happen to you, and forcing yourself to keep quiet about it won't improve their situations and isn't really fair to you. So long as the comments aren't aimed directly at them I doubt anyone will see it as bragging, and so long as you continue to support and be there for them about their issues I don't think anyone will hold it against you or have hurt feelings about it. Even if they're having trouble, they're still your friends, and on some level I'm sure they'll be happy for you!

[wrinklefudger]

I can see where you're coming from Pirrou. I've been in a vaguely similar situation pretty recently. I agree though that you really shouldn't try to hide your happiness for fear of upsetting your friends, not because getting upset would make them bad friends, but because you have every right to celebrate when good things happen to you, and forcing yourself to keep quiet about it won't improve their situations and isn't really fair to you. So long as the comments aren't aimed directly at them I doubt anyone will see it as bragging, and so long as you continue to support and be there for them about their issues I don't think anyone will hold it against you or have hurt feelings about it. Even if they're having trouble, they're still your friends, and on some level I'm sure they'll be happy for you!

Seconded. Though in all honesty Pirrou it's your friend who needs advice. I really understand how on some level it may be borderline torturous to see the people around you so much happier and more confident in such respects. I went through a similar situation recently, and by letting my own insecurities consume me I started seeing anyone who was happy in such a respect as an enemy, even the people I cared about. If I had gotten the advice I am willing to give now, I wouldn't be spending this hurricane alone

[safetyboots]

Except that the potential consequence isn't being judged by fun-suckers, the potential consequence is personally triggering one of my best friends to focus on his insecurities in an area that frequently causes him suicidal thoughts. So, no, not continuing full speed ahead with my middle fingers in the air.

These situations are indeed quite complicated. Do you have anyone in particular with whom you could talk and celebrate? Or maybe just go out and do something? Pamper yourself, you deserve it! Anyway, congratulations! I'm kinda stuck on a lot of things, but I'm really happy for you and your case gives me hope, I just have to keep trying!

On a completely different note, I am trying to move out of my parents' house ASAP and was wondering if anyone knows of a good way to find lgbt-supportive housing. I remember finding a site for this purpose a while back but my stupid past self decided not to favorite it for whatever reason. I really just need a safe place to transition and I think it'd be silly to start paying for a new place that'll turn me out if my roommate catches me in a dress, y'know?

You will have more chances to find a safe place with those who support or are in the same situation. Hope this helps.

http://www.transhousingnetwork.com/
http://www.transitionalhousing.org/

[ArmsAreLoud]

Oh hey safetyboots those links are super useful

Thanks!

[Wiwaxia]

@pirrou: I know trigger warnings have gotten some bad press of late, but that's kind of exactly what they are for, so...

Alternately, just gush here.

[pirrou]

Yeah, I probably won't change what I talk about on Tumblr at all, but at least I got to say something about it here. I'm sure some other people would understand, but it is one friend in particular who's kind of in an abyss. He's definitely the kind of person who would read stuff anyway no matter what kind of warnings I put in front of it.

Another reason why I feel uncomfortable talking about my orientation is because I'm embarrassed about how late in life it came about. It first occurred to me that I might be attracted to somebody of the same gender when I was 19. Legally considered an adult, had been in college for a year, and then I just rolled down a mountain of gay and accumulated more gay on the way down like gay katamari. It seems like most people at least had some hints in their childhood or teenage years even if they didn't consciously realize it for a while, but I remember nothing, and that makes me feel really fishy, like I'm some harmful counter-statistic to everybody fervently claiming that we were BORN THIS WAY. Also, it seems like I'm too old to talk about it. It's ok and even encouraged for teenagers to talk about things they've realized about their sexual and romantic orientations, but I'm 21 and I should have already shut up about it.

[ArmsAreLoud]

Taking a moment to appreciate the term "gay katamari"

All right, now that that's over I can say that it really doesn't matter if you were "born this way" or not. Naturalistic fallacy and all that; even if homosexuality really is just something you grow into your experiences throughout life shape who you are just as much if not more as whatever chemistry you had when you popped out of the womb. A lot of people seem to forget that epigenetics is a thing, alas.

[Selcouth]

All right, now that that's over I can say that it really doesn't matter if you were "born this way" or not. Naturalistic fallacy and all that; even if homosexuality really is just something you grow into your experiences throughout life shape who you are just as much if not more as whatever chemistry you had when you popped out of the womb. A lot of people seem to forget that epigenetics is a thing, alas.

Ugh, don't ever tell my parents that. They'd just scream at me endlessly, and I mean endlessly, about how I have made and continue to make all the wrong decisions in life, and how that is a result of my fucked up brain engaging in wrong thinking and hanginng out with the wrong people, and how everything about me is wrong some way or another and it's all my fault and I was so much better as a baby because I actually did everything my mom said and then everything worked out. Either that or my mom would beat herself up about raising me wrong somehow and then tell all my relatives about how I've chosen to be gay and think I want to cut off my girl parts and glue on boy parts (and yes, this is exactly how she tells it, except often cruder), in an effort to find ways to reverse it. That is worse.

Ugh. Some days, you know, it's kind of dormant and I'm okay with myself and wheee it's snowing. Other days it just comes back and argh I can't stand the feels and I end up slipping in front of my mom and then it turns into a whole bunch of yelling sessions until my sound-sensitive brain can't take it anymore and just shuts down and blanks out. Covering my ears only antagonizes my mom more.

Also this should probably be in the FTFO thread but since I'm here. My mom nearly discovered my fetish today because I forgot to clear YouTube history on the iPad. It could have been realllllllly bad; thank god I managed to explain it away because oh god all hell would have broken loose.

[Ace of Dark-Hearts]

My mom nearly discovered my fetish today because I forgot to clear YouTube history on the iPad. It could have been realllllllly bad; thank god I managed to explain it away because oh god all hell would have broken loose.

Yeah

you're lucky

That was not a fun experience for me.

HEY GUESS WHAT your son is watching porn. HEY GUESS WHAT ELSE it's gay porn. AND GUESS WHAT *ELSE* it's weird fetish porn! Surprise!

[Malrone]

Another reason why I feel uncomfortable talking about my orientation is because I'm embarrassed about how late in life it came about. It first occurred to me that I might be attracted to somebody of the same gender when I was 19. Legally considered an adult, had been in college for a year, and then I just rolled down a mountain of gay and accumulated more gay on the way down like gay katamari. It seems like most people at least had some hints in their childhood or teenage years even if they didn't consciously realize it for a while, but I remember nothing, and that makes me feel really fishy, like I'm some harmful counter-statistic to everybody fervently claiming that we were BORN THIS WAY. Also, it seems like I'm too old to talk about it. It's ok and even encouraged for teenagers to talk about things they've realized about their sexual and romantic orientations, but I'm 21 and I should have already shut up about it.

I can see how you would feel this way, as I've been in a similar boat (probably just across the dock). Not ever having had an intimate relationship, it can feel weird seeing and talking to all my friends about their many ups and downs in their personal lives. Wondering how you even kiss people while one of your better friends is rambling on about "IT LASTED FOUR HOURS" is a pretty disheartening juxtaposition. It's important to realize though that there is no prime standard for when everyone should come into their own sexually. The circumstances and complexity of sexuality change wildly from person to person (and with time), and while ideal situations exist, the funny thing is that ideals aren't a thing that practically happen.

While I doubt I can just wave away your concerns, I can still remind you that this is the place to talk about these things.

EDIT: And as far as the general thought that teenagers are the ones that are all explorative and experimental and other such silliness, I think it's more illusion than reality. After all, it's a hell of a lot easier to notice the several people who are over each other and others than to notice everyone else who isn't.

[safetyboots]

Another reason why I feel uncomfortable talking about my orientation is because I'm embarrassed about how late in life it came about. It first occurred to me that I might be attracted to somebody of the same gender when I was 19. Legally considered an adult, had been in college for a year, and then I just rolled down a mountain of gay and accumulated more gay on the way down like gay katamari. It seems like most people at least had some hints in their childhood or teenage years even if they didn't consciously realize it for a while, but I remember nothing, and that makes me feel really fishy, like I'm some harmful counter-statistic to everybody fervently claiming that we were BORN THIS WAY. Also, it seems like I'm too old to talk about it. It's ok and even encouraged for teenagers to talk about things they've realized about their sexual and romantic orientations, but I'm 21 and I should have already shut up about it.

Everyone has their own pace. This is who you are, this is how you grew up. Why give importance to what others think we should be and do? Stop worrying so much and enjoy yourself.

I'm still discovering things about myself. I'm a virgin, never been in a romantic relationship and until recently nocturnal emission was the only thing I had experienced. Only as an adult that I started to explore my identity and sexuality. The whole world may find this ridiculous, that I'm a loser and a joke, but it's the first time in my life that I started to like myself and stop being afraid of absolutely everything.

[deathsbuddy]

"nocturnal emission" is the best way to put it

[ch00_bakka]

HEY GUESS WHAT your son is watching porn. HEY GUESS WHAT ELSE it's gay porn. AND GUESS WHAT *ELSE* it's weird fetish porn! Surprise!

And THIS is why web browsers have a "clear history" button. Or an "incognito mode" button for the really paranoid.


Regarding the "born this way" thing: I have basically always know (in some way) that I'm bi. But I never really knew bi was an "option," I guess, until I was probably 13 or so. I always thought it was straight or gay, and I was really confused. Then I started spending more time on the internet, and understood that bi WAS, in fact, something possible. And now I understand myself more.

[TwoKillerMockingbirds]

Yeah
HEY GUESS WHAT your son is watching porn. HEY GUESS WHAT ELSE it's gay porn. AND GUESS WHAT *ELSE* it's weird fetish porn! Surprise!

-Clears throat- Ah. In case my uhm... less than pristine skype chat history loads itself on my mom's phone and I don't log off. How ah, did you go about explaining that away?

[Ace of Dark-Hearts]

And THIS is why web browsers have a "clear history" button. Or an "incognito mode" button for the really paranoid.

Yeah I knew that but I guess I just forgot and got lazy and didn't actually ever expect them to be looking at my history.

And that, boys and girls, is what you get for assuming.

-Clears throat- Ah. In case my uhm... less than pristine skype chat history loads itself on my mom's phone and I don't log off. How ah, did you go about explaining that away?

Well I didn't talk to them for three weeks, then cried in my room for the rest of the night.

I'm thinking of confronting them eventually and being like, "SO ABOUT THAT ONE TIME. Yeah I'm gay and it's not a choice and screw you if you don't accept me."

Yeah I don't really have my shit together, if that wasn't obvious. :I

[Hatman Hatmyth Hatlegend]

Is it weird that I'm more curious as to what kind of fetish porn is being watched than moved with altruism in trying to help?

[Drillgorg]

Is it weird that I'm more curious as to what kind of fetish porn is being watched than moved with altruism in trying to help?

Not if that's your fetish.

[Ace of Dark-Hearts]

Is it weird that I'm more curious as to what kind of fetish porn is being watched than moved with altruism in trying to help?

No, that's probably what I'd be doing if I were you.

[Wiwaxia]

Not if that's your fetish.

Can you have a fetish for fetishes?
Recursionboner???