Let's Play: X-COM: Enemy Unknown (recruiting redshirts!)

**MindMessiah** · 10-09-2012, 01:22 PM

NEWSFLASH, MAGGOTS - X-COM NEEDS MORE RECRUITS! GET YOURSELF DOWN TO THE POSTING BOX AND APPLY ASAP, FOR A CHANCE TO WIN FAME AND RICHES, MAKE LOVE TO BEAUTIFUL ALIEN WOMEN AND DIE GLORIOUSLY IN BATTLE!*

*Only one of these three things will actually occur. The definition of a glorious death is entirely subjective, and may include but is not limited to being shot, burnt, blown up, poisoned, beaten to death, mind-raped, backstabbed by your comrades or possibly all of these things at once. All applications are legally binding. No refunds. Terms and conditions apply. See your local retailer for details.

Alright, dirtbags, listen up. You, in the back, stop picking your nose for one moment and pay attention before I come over there and start making you eat it. You've all chosen, or been chosen, or been drugged and dragged into the recruiting office, to join X-Com, humanity's best and brightest special forces team specially equipped for - ah, screw it, I can't say this with a straight face. Look, all you need to know is that we hunt aliens.

Yeah, I said aliens. Don't look so surprised. Problem is, these aren't the nice grey-skinned humanoids with horns you were all secretly hoping for. No, these are actual, honest-to-god invaders, and they won't think twice about sticking a probe up your rectum or bursting out of your chest like some kind of reject from a H. R. Giger painting. And we need you to stop them. How I ended up with a team of specialists that were exclusively drawn from the nearby Little League team, I have no idea, but I'm just going to have to make do with what I got.

So, first things first, we need meatshields I mean recruits. Regulations forbid me from just handing you a rifle and a shirt that says "Go Team!" on it and just sending you off to your deaths, unfortunately. Instead, if you want to sign-up and fight aliens, you're going to have to tell me your specialities so that I can ignore them. For now, we've got three types of soldier - Demolitionists, Marksmen and Assault Troopers. Demolitionists get large amounts of explosives and a license to destroy civilian property, Marksmen get a big gun and plenty of headshots, and Assault Troopers get a pistol, a cattle prod and orders to bring aliens back alive. We tend to lose a lot of Assault Troopers.

Of course, some of you don't have the balls required to go out there and fight. In fact, I reckon none of you do, but even in a room full of pussies there's going to be someone who makes even your grandma's cats look manly. For these limp-wristed pansies, we also have positions available in our science and engineering departments. You'll get to look at alien equipment and try to reproduce it while people with actual combat skills risk life and limb for the cause.

Now, obviously, before we can go hunting any aliens, we need a base of operations in order to keep all the stolen alien loot we will inevitably be racking in before long. Normally I would just close my eyes, point somewhere on a map and see where we end up, but once again the tea-drinking sissies in the Council of Funding Nations shot me down with talk about "diplomacy" and "promoting a team mentality". So, it's up to you lot to decide where we locate our headquarters. Try not to put it anywhere too pants-wettingly stupid, will you?

That's it for today's briefing. Dismissed - and try not to kill yourselves on the stairs as you leave.

X-COM BULLETIN BOARD

List of Facilities

Crew Roster

Current Research Projects

Current Engineering Projects

**Moronis** · 10-09-2012, 01:26 PM

MORONIS MARKIE MARKSMAN, ALL UP INS! LETS DIE IN THE GLORIOUS NAME OF THE IMPERIUM OF HUMANITY MOTHERFUCKERS!

**Varkarrus** · 10-09-2012, 01:33 PM

Sign me up. (Lady soldier)

**MobileMammal** · 10-09-2012, 01:41 PM

I can't afford the new X-COM, even though I love all of the old ones (that didn't suck)

Help a brother out by naming one of the Melody Burst or somethin', so I can experience the joy of dieing and goin' BERZERK!

**MindMessiah** · 10-09-2012, 04:01 PM

Excellent, glad to see we've got some bullet sponges ready for action. We've still got a bunch of empty seats on the Skyranger, however, and there are no votes for base location yet - no votes for anything, actually, and a few soldiers are unclear as to their combat roles. Do I have to do everything around here? Just because I'm the chairman, people expect me to make sound tactical judgements. Ugh. Unless anyone says differently, come tomorrow I'm putting our HQ in that one country that looks like a boot.

**Argonaut** · 10-09-2012, 05:58 PM

I am prepared to take a kidney shot for FREEDOM.

(and cyber-kidneys)

**WordsHere** · 10-09-2012, 07:38 PM

I'll go ahead and throw my name in the list. As uh... a scout? I guess I don't really care what role I get. :0

**ikkonoishi** · 10-10-2012, 12:26 AM

I'll throw my name into the ring. Equip me with a laser pistol and a stun rod, and make sure I always run around everywhere so I'm really fast. I've found that a useful loadout for capturing xenos and/or killing off meatsacks.

**MindMessiah** · 10-10-2012, 01:33 PM

Well, now that we've got enough redshirts to soak up a few plasma rounds, let's get X-Com started. As promised, I decided to have the base built in Italy, because it's in the middle of Europe and you can all go and get pizza on your days off. Or at least you could, if there was such a thing as a "day off" in X-Com.

So, without further ado, welcome to our headquarters at MSPAliens.

Upon examination of our new facilities, the first thing I can deduce is that however designed this clusterfuck needs to be fired. With a gun, preferably. There's at least four seperate entry locations at four different points, meaning that if the aliens ever learn we're down here they'll be crawling out of the vents before we can even get the motion sensors running. But it would cost millions to redesign this place now, so I'll let you lot adjust to your new home content in the knowledge that the first warning of an attack will be the tentacle forcing its way down your throat.

I've set about building a bigger radar to help us get the jump on the aliens, as well as a containment unit to hold any we might happen to capture alive. According to the lab techs, the aliens "need to be kept in a specialised microclimate" and "should be kept isolated" but I think we'll just cram the buggers into one big cell and stick thermometers up their alien unmentionables every so often.

Speaking of disgusting, primitive life forms being held in appalling conditions, here's the team sheet.

I don't know what kind of training program you all washed out of, but this is perhaps the most pathetic lineup I've ever seen since the 1980 American Olympics team. In order to keep you all from dying horribly and causing me to have to fill out a bunch of paperwork, I've had to send someone who isn't completely incompetent to help you keep your guts on the inside.

That's right, I'll be joining you lot out on the field and helping you kick some sorry alien tail. Obviously the guys at the CFN will be on me like a swarm of bees in a bad Nicholas Cage movie to give me crap about "risking command assets", but I reckon I'll be just fine. Can't say the same for you lot, though.

However, before it's time for me to head out and start winning this war from the frontlines, I had to sort out a bunch of logistical bullshit back at base. I'm going to assume that you don't want to hear about all the changes I've made to our storerooms or the calibration of the radars, so I'm just going to keep this brief. Both of our Interceptor craft are now armed with dual missle launchers, though I've had to mix and match with the exact types because whatever idiot filled in our supply forms can't be bothered with consistency. Moronis, Varkarrus, Argonaut and myself have all been assigned as Marksmen, WordsHere and ikkonoishi have been assigned as Assault Troopers, and Melody Burst gets the big guns as a Demolitionist. You want to know the exact loadouts? Tough, because I can't be bothered to sort that out yet.

I put in some orders for some new equipment (it's the tank and fully-automatic miniguns with incendiary ammo that I'm looking forward to the most) but evidently standard earthly technology just isn't going to cut the alien carapaces here. No, we need to beat the aliens and their fancy plasma guns at their own game. So I sauntered down to the science labs, and put in a request for some new boomsticks.

Now, ten guys might have some difficulties revolutionising firearms technology within a week, no matter how nefarious the underground base they're stationed in, so I went and put out some ads in the local newspapers. Hopefully we'll have ten new scientists soon, and X-Com's confidentiality will remain unsullied.

Just as I was about to call it a day and see if they had any more gruel down in the mess hall, every monitor in the entire base lit up.

We're just about to board the Skyranger now. Good luck, ladies - you're gonna need it.

**Moronis** · 10-10-2012, 02:31 PM

LOG OF MARKSMAN MORONIS:
ENTRY #1

A'right! Just took at a look at my fellow rookies and half of them look like they're about to piss their pants at the idea of putting up their dukes against the motherfucking greys, or greens, or the fuck ever these extraterrestrial fuckers look like! Turns out our high motherfucking commander is getting ready to bust heads too! If these things have skulls, I got dibs on at least one. Need me a skull cup. Y'know, after the lab boys get done analyzing it for toxins or whatever... Ah hell, I'll probably STILL drink out of it! OOH RAH CHUMPASSES! TIME TO GO BUST SOME HEADS/TENTACLES/GASEOUS EMBODIMENTS OF EMOTION/THE FUCK EVER!

**MobileMammal** · 10-10-2012, 04:08 PM

...This... this is not enemy unknown...

**MindMessiah** · 10-10-2012, 04:16 PM

Originally Posted by Moronis

LOG OF MARKSMAN MORONIS:
ENTRY #1

A'right! Just took at a look at my fellow rookies and half of them look like they're about to piss their pants at the idea of putting up their dukes against the motherfucking greys, or greens, or the fuck ever these extraterrestrial fuckers look like! Turns out our high motherfucking commander is getting ready to bust heads too! If these things have skulls, I got dibs on at least one. Need me a skull cup. Y'know, after the lab boys get done analyzing it for toxins or whatever... Ah hell, I'll probably STILL drink out of it! OOH RAH CHUMPASSES! TIME TO GO BUST SOME HEADS/TENTACLES/GASEOUS EMBODIMENTS OF EMOTION/THE FUCK EVER!

That's the spirit, soldier. Just make sure the alien's dead before you start drinking out of its skull.

**Varkarrus** · 10-10-2012, 05:45 PM

oh hey it isn't the new one. I thought it was going to be.
that's alright too

I'm almost near my own runthrough of original XCom. Just have to capture a commander and it's off to mars.

**ikkonoishi** · 10-10-2012, 08:33 PM

I once had a ridiculous run where the aliens built a base three pixels away from my base in the third month. I figured I had to raid it or I was pretty much done for so I sent a group in.

I sent two scouts around a corner, and they found two sectoids standing there. Having a stun rod equipped the first scout took down a sectoid before a heavy plasma round removed his chest. The second scout took out the other sectoid before it could get another shot off.

When I checked the floor the first sectoid had a bomb launcher.
It was a commander.
Why hello there PSI powers!

My dudes grabbed the bodies, took them back to the exit, and abandoned the mission. Returning and refueling only took a few hours so I formed a plan. I hired as many grunts and scientists as I could afford, and began repeatedly raiding the sectoid base. We would rush in, stun or kill something, and drag its loot back home.

We soon discovered this room.
http://www.ufopaedia.org/index.php?t...BASE_03MAP.JPG
See those two orange columns on the left? Those are alien power sources. If you blow them up they can drop elerium.
So I would save-scum to get a favorable base layout, and then grab about 30-50 elerium per shot.

Eventually the aliens got wise to my ways, and counter raided my base. No matter how hard I save-scummed I wasn't able to fight them off. It was fun while it lasted though.

**MobileMammal** · 10-10-2012, 09:04 PM

Originally Posted by MindMessiah

That's the spirit, soldier. Just make sure the alien's dead before you start drinking out of its skull.

OOC: Not the new one, no. This is the original 1994 game, also known as UFO: Enemy Unknown or X-COM: UFO Defense. Most people just call it X-COM. The new game is called XCOM: Enemy Unknown, distinguishable from the earlier games by the lack of a hyphen in the title. Sorry if I got your hopes up - though if it makes you feel any better, I can't afford the new game either.

Well, it's never been called "X-COM: Enemy Unknown."

So this is not just a misleading, it's false.

**sirtommygunn** · 10-10-2012, 09:50 PM

Give me a rifle and let me kill some aliens.

**MobileMammal** · 10-10-2012, 11:37 PM

Originally Posted by sirtommygunn

Give me a rifle and let me kill some aliens.

Racist.

**zeratuljo1291** · 10-11-2012, 12:24 AM

Commander? You are wanted on the main screen. The Men has touched down.

Our Mission takes place within the capital of Germany as there has been reports and evidence of possible alien abductions. Strike-One is being sent in for immediate response.

Our touchdown is without event, no ambushes in sight. YET

Strike-One Moves out immediately, spreading out under cover to find the enemy

From here, Strike-One is giving orders to secure the high ground of the immediate building and spread to search for the enemy. There is a ladder convenient to our purposes.

However, it seems that the enemy had the same idea. We encounter...

sectoids.

They immediately back off in sight of our soldier and take cover on the opposite side.

They dont seem to do much although our operative in the field viewing this reports that they seem to be coordinating with one another somehow.

Sectoid Mindmerge: Buffs up one other unit to give increased health as well as crit chance. This does have a downside however which will be exploited...

Our operative goes off to the side to flank one of the sectoids, firing but missing.

Our second operative on the roof goes in to make up for what the first didnt do: She kills it.

Apparently, killing the mind merger also kills the mind mergee, a fact that we will take into consideration in further encounters in the fight against the xeno.

Our continuing search led no clues or trails until one of our operatives heard something. something coming from the the building across from their current position.

Welcome to one of the nice things about XCOM. The scrabble hunt for that last alien is no longer needed as audio visual clues can tip you into their general direction. Each alien has their own little cue/clue. the only thing is: when you find them, they also find you. dun dun dun.

Strike-One moves to breach the building.

Our operative's hunch turns out to be right on the money. We encounter more of them.

Immedately they run for cover and begin mind merging.

Quickly breaching the room, our operative takes a quick potshot at one of the aliens and manages to deal some decent damage.

Further fire results in lackluster events.

The aliens fire back, throwing off what can only be described as green blobs at our man in the room. he thankfully ducks his head in time to avoid the shot.

The aliens start off with plasma guns. no joke, these things will be the death of us to come. Had that sectoid got that shot off, it would have been a crit due to the mindmerge and the plasma crit chance.

Our operatives quickly and decisively storm the room and take down the mind-merger, killing them both off.

(As a side note:

This is our chance to hit most of the time. Things like chance adjustors, cover, equipment will change this in time, but know this: the firing chances are almost like the original.)

Congrats on our first mission where we made it out alive.

note this is on classic ironman. i got lucky.

**zeratuljo1291** · 10-11-2012, 12:24 AM

Our men fly back to base, an undercover underground hub for monitoring and intercepting all worldwide extraterrestrial events located in Germany. The flight home was brief.

Building bases are gone in XCOM, however base management is not. More on that later. I chose Europe to mirror but also for the benefits. Each of the starting locations have benefits for housing your home base. Europe's is one of the better ones, although many will debate that

Some of our men and women have ranked up. We will see them later

Meet Dr.Vahlen, the head scientist here at XCOM. Under her expertise, we will use the best and the brightest to help study, analyze and potentially create technology for our boys in the field.

We ask her to study the weapon fragments obtained from the fight, in the hopes of reverse engineering the enemie's weapon technology.

Meet Dr.Shen, the head engineer here at XCOM. He undersees all production here at XCOM, from large scale satellites to the guns our men use on the ground.

He also oversees facility construction of the base.

Welcome to base management. Much like the original, planning out and making changes to your base meant you can do more things. Here you notice that there are several options to do. I can cave out part of the underground for more room, build facilities in the caverns or expand the access shaft for deeper access. Plan and expand accordingly as certain facilities have bonus attributes to them if you group them nicely. Luckily, we have a steam vent within the first two rows and i build to that immediately while also planning on expanding satellite uplink capabilities in the future. Steam power is amazingly useful early to mid game.

Also new to XCOM is the officer training school. Here I can optain squad wide upgrades that help me. in many ways. Squad Size increase is my first and foremost objective. If i have the money in the future, I will be taking the Wet Work upgrade as well as it grants more exp for soldiers on kills and on missions.

Of course, what are we without our soldiers.

Wordshere:

Mind Messaih

Melody Burst

Ikkonoshi

Argonaught

Moronis

Varkarrus

You'll Note the last two have ranked up and gotten a skill. We have a support and a heavy, which is nice. Supports can carry medkits and be all-around usefullness while Heavies deal AOE damage as well as suppressive fire. Good early game rolls.
Also note that appearances are randomized and I randomly chose names. I have a capacity here at the barracks, which is currently 12. If you want in, you will be queued as you say so BUT ONLY WHEN ONE OF THE STARTING ones DIES. There are 5 more spots open for rookies. I like to have around 13-15 overall members, with about half consisting of more experienced members.

With that, we head up to Mission control to continue our ventures here at

XCOM

**MobileMammal** · 10-11-2012, 01:04 AM

I am the ugliest person on the planet.

The aliens are invading just so they can wipe my ugly face off of the earth.

**MindMessiah** · 10-11-2012, 12:59 PM

The UFO had touched down somewhere in the Middle East. No fighter escorts, no massive energy signatures - it was just sitting there, apparently waiting for us to come and take it. I could practically hear Admiral Ackbar yelling in my ear, but the chance of capturing an intact UFO was too good to pass up. We all loaded into the Skyranger and got ready to work our shooty magic.

Soldiers Present: Marksman MindMessiah, Demolitionist Melody Burst, Marksman Argonaut, Marksman Varkarrus, Marksman "Markie" Moronis, Assault Trooper WordsHere, Assault Trooper ikkonoishi

We managed to arrive just before the sun set, and I gave the quick mission briefing that the bigwigs had prepared for us. Of course, once that was over I just gave the order to shoot anything that moves. After all, this thing had been landed for almost three hours - any civilians who had stuck around were almost certainly alien sympathisers.

Melody Burst is demonstrating the standard loadout for a Demolitionist here. Marksmen get standard-issue Bond villian henchman rifles, Demolitionists get fully-automatic cannons that can switch between armour-piercing and incendiary rounds, and Assault Troopers get a pistol and a cattle prod. I broke regulations to bring along a high explosive, though. If anyone's going to cause wanton damage to civilian property, it's damn well going to be me.

From here on out, I'll give a blow-by-blow commentary of the battle, letting the mission transcript talk for itself during some of the more eventful sections. Rest assured, all the screams of pain and death come from the dying xenos.

We landed in a fairly flammable-looking little farm that looked surprisingly grassy for a country so near the equator. No aliens popped out of the tall grass like Pokemon with laser guns (I'm pretty sure there's an anime out there running on that exact premise), so I ordered everyone to spread out and find the UFO.

Moronis: HEY SARGE! I SEE ONE!

Moronis: AW, COME ON!
MindMessiah: Are you trying to trim the cabbages or something? Here's how it's done!

MindMessiah: Jesus! He almost had my balls off there!
WordsHere: Ugh. I'll get him.
Melody Burst: No, I will!

Melody Burst: Yeah! Direct hit! I'm getting a medal or something for that, right?
MindMessiah: You'll be getting a boot up your arse if you don't keep moving.

ikkonoishi: Argh!
MindMessiah: Man down, man down! Did anyone see where that came from?
Varkarrus: Afraid not, sir.
MindMessiah: Damnit. Alright, keep moving. You see anything in a cape, shoot it.

With ikkonoishi taking a nap in the dirt, we split up into three teams. Varkarrus and Argonaut started scouting the buildings to the left, Moronis and WordsHere took the buildings to the right, and me and Melody Burst made our way across the horribly exposed fields - with Burst taking point, of course. Ironically enough, being out in the open meant we were the safest when they sprang the ambush.

Varkarrus: We're under fire!

Moronis: AW, SHIT! MY LUNGS!
WordsHere: Get back to the Skyranger, we'll cover you.
MindMessiah: Cover?

MindMessiah: Grenade beats cover. Every single time.

I let WordsHere and Melody Burst pick through the rubble of the farmhouse, because Varkarrus had just spotted something way more interesting.

Varkarrus: UFO sighted, sir! And an alien who appears to be... flying?
Argonaut: Shit, he got me!

By the time I arrived, Argonaut had taken care of the alien floating around outside, but not without taking a hit himself. Thankfully, his internal organs still appeared to be internal, so me and Varkarrus left him to provide covering fire and hopefully not bleed over everything whilst we breached the UFO itself. I was ready to chuck my explosive in there and call it a day, but Varkarrus insisted that we take the UFO intact.

The two of us took up positions on either side of the sleek, metallic door, knowing full well there could be a squad of alien shock troopers on the other side with plasma cannons and rectal probes at the ready. We played rock paper scissors to decide who went in, and Varkarrus lost. She took a deep breath, slid the door open, aimed her gun inside and...

Varkarrus: Empty?

Apparently, that was it. We'd taken care of all the aliens on our way over to the ship itself. Bit of a disappointment, since I was looking for an excuse to blow that motherfucker sky high, but overall the mission was a success. We wasted four aliens, stole a whole bunch of their crap and managed all that with only one X-Com fatality. Plenty of collateral damage to civilian property, though, but we've got to have some fun.

Having scored a goddamn magnificent kill on one of the aliens with my expert grenadier skills and kept the team together throughout the mission, I gave myself a promotion to Sergeant. Melody Burst tried to tell me something about "chain of command" and "first kill" but he cut it out after I threatened to push him out of the Skyranger on the way back.

When we arrived back at MSPAliens, Argonaut and Moronis were rushed into the med bay as quickly as possible. They'll be staying in there for two weeks whilst the doctors patch their shattered limbs back together. I tried to order the medics to harvest any functioning non-vital organs and store them for furture use, but for some reason they took offense to this and during the argument one of them noticed the burn the plasma had made as it skimmed past my gonads. Despite my protests, they stuck me in one of the hospital beds too, and I spent the next three days there watching Italian sitcoms. I survived, but I doubt my IQ levels will ever be the same.

Thankfully, I was out of bed in time to see our latest delivery.

I have never seen anything more beautiful in my entire life. It's like a big metal turtle, with enough firepower to level a city block and still have rounds left over for the stragglers. From now on, Lil Hal will be accomanying me on all missions. I just don't feel safe without his whirring turret at my side.

Oh, and a pair of rookies arrived, but who gives a fuck about those guys.

Aside from that one big mission, it's been a quiet first week for X-Com. Here's hoping the rest of January brings more UFOs and more ugly purple aliens to shoot at.

**Moronis** · 10-11-2012, 01:07 PM

LOG OF MARKSMAN MORONIS:
ENTRY #2

YOU THERE! DOCTORLY SORT! GIVE UNTO CAESAR HIS GIANT FUCKING ROBOT LUNGS! I REQUIRE THEM TO YELL AT THIS DAMN RECORDER! NO I DON'T CARE THAT IT IS WHISPER SENSITIVE, YOU BRING ME THE DAMN ROBO-LUNGS!

End Entry #2

**Argonaut** · 10-11-2012, 02:20 PM

Called it.

(Also, zeratuljo; it might be better if you put your updates under one single spoiler, instead of putting each image in a separate one).

**ikkonoishi** · 10-11-2012, 08:28 PM

YEAH!
Ikkonoishi death tally 1, all you other chumps 0!

Not even a voiced line to my name.
Requesting my code-name to be recycled to the next disposable meatsack.

**MobileMammal** · 10-11-2012, 09:18 PM

That boot up the ass was uncalled for.

Thread: Let's Play: X-COM: Enemy Unknown (recruiting redshirts!)

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Let's Play: X-COM: Enemy Unknown (recruiting redshirts!)

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Surprisingly Non-Lethal Plasma

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