Impractical Strife Specibi Thread

[Staff Deployment]

Gonna document the most punishingly impractical weaponkinds imaginable.

Things that should be added to this thread:

• Ideas
• Crude Demonstratory Doodles
• Explanations

From this image linked right here, I believe the eleven most difficult-to-use specibi would be as follows. Don't feel constrained by the Kind Abstrata, though. Bunnykind isn't on there. Bunnykind is the best. It can't be added to the list, however, because Bunnykind has limitless potential.

Curlironkind

They will cower in fear of your might.

Pokerkind
Unsure if it means a poker deck/chips, or a fireplace poker. I prefer the former. It's less practical.

Lampkind
Some sort of combination of blinding the enemies and physically beating them with the lamp. Invest in replacement bulbs.


Trophykind
Third-place trophies would naturally inflict less damage than first-place trophies. "Participation" trophies would deal more damage to you than anything else.

Bookkind
I guess you could clamp their heads between the pages. Or Sassacrush them.

Bustkind
Only the strongest man in the world could possibly hope to use this. Or, possibly, any woman.

Hairdryrkind
Only effective against really slow ice monsters. Might be able to use it as a jet-pack.

Fireextkind
Fire exits are giant structures made of metal grating. How anyone would hope to effectively use this in combat is beyond me.

Bombkind

Really really cool until it inevitably blows up in your hand.

This presents obvious difficulties.

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Plierkind
Yank out their teeth. Then they can't bite. And maybe hit them with it? Or maybe try and rip out their throats... if they hold still for you.

Fankind
If you get close enough you might be able to use it as a spinning blade death machine, but it'll probably just freeze up instead and do that clicky thing. Might be able to use it as a helicopter. Alternatively, it might be an asian-style fan, which is slightly more practical because you can attach blades to the end. But this isn't about practicality so we're going with the electricity-powered one here.
Or, here's a better alternative:

If you're fortunate enough to be famous, just throw your fans at your enemies.

Rockkind
Chucking rocks at things actually doesn't seem all that impractical when I think about it. But it is regardless very silly.

Porcupinekind

imagine all the troubles this would cause

Strap explosives to it and use them as sticky grenades. Also, alchemize it with a rocket launsher and you get a porcupine with quills that launch rockets.

Dicekind
Gives you a random weapon or attack. Unpredictable and frustrating if you're not Vriska.

Gaëbolgkind
It's a spear from Irish mythology that expands into a billion spikes when it pierces an enemy.

It's a hassle to clean off, plus you need to throw it with your feet.

Cmptrmousekind
I imagine this would overlap considerably with nunchukkind or pendulumkind. You might also be able to use the little laser thing for eye damage. It's kinda like lampkind: blind enemies then physically beat them with it.

Clthshangrkind
+2 against unborn infants. Yes, that joke has just been made. In all seriousness it would get bent out of shape or broken really easily, and the only thing worse than clthshangrkind is 1/2clthshangrkind.

Moneykind
Can't even give people papercuts; bills are mostly synthetic cloth.
Though the idea of weaponizing Boondollars is intriguing.

(Reecer6)

Brushkind

brushKind: In terms of real-world practicality, you're basically just flinging paint at enemies. Maybe you can turn the brush around and try poking them in the eye with the handle.

Clockkind

If "Homestesque" is any example, I could just wear a watch on both hands and feet and boom, no need for fistKind or footKind specibi. Could be useful.

Cagekind

If Nicholas Cage is within your vicinity, you can easily lift him up and throw him.

Though to be honest it would probably be more along the lines of an actual cage. Like with the bars and the lock. It would be interesting to use, but entirely impractical, thus cagekind is perfect.

Grndpianokind

Unwieldy.

Punkind

The most damage the enemies will deal is self-inflicted blows to the forehead. Earplugs for the user are almost a requirement.

Spoonkind
Jane Crocker uses spoonkind, though admittedly she alternates between forkkind.

(Blausky)

Bagkind / Inventorykind

All your stuff would get broken

Magikarpkind
I was skeptical, but upon further reflection I support this wholeheartedly.

Even if it were to evolve into Gyrados you wouldn't be able to wield it because your strife specibus would still be Magikarpkind.

All I can picture is someone beating the crap out of imps with a magikarp. Something basically like this. http://thepunchlineismachismo.com/archives/150

Diaperkind
Nnnooooo, no no no no no no no.

MP3Kind

I mean i guess i could strange you with the earphone cords.

Vuvuzelas: It just sounds like a whole swarm of bees buzzing through a foghorn.

Pineapplekind
Shove 'em up where the sun doesn't shine, that'll let those stupid imps know just how serious you are.

Candlekind

(Bagelwho)

Pumpkinkind
There is no such abstratus, useful or otherwise.

ADD OR DOODLE YOUR OWN GO GO GO GO GO

[Supermunchor]

well, not exactly on the list (read: not on the list at all)

porcupineKind.
imagine all the troubles this would cause

[Staff Deployment]

Yes that is precisely the idea

You'd have to like throw it at enemies quills-first and have like a steady supply of porcupines on hand, as well as bandages and some tweezers, probably

[The Poet]

Yeah, but with all of this you have to think - if not for Vriska, what would we think of Dicekind?

[Staff Deployment]

Well I'd think that the dice would give a different weapon depending on the number you've rolled. Which would be very impractical.
And that's essentially what it does in the comic. Vriska uses it really well because she's extraordinarily lucky and gets precisely what she needs every time. But otherwise it would be very frustrating to use.

[NeoDarklight]

Hmm... The human mind is capable of weaponizing nearly anything, if given the right tools. Porcupine kind? Strap explosives to it and use them as sticky grenades. Also, alchemize it with a rocket launsher and you get a porcupine with quills that launch rockets. I mean, just look at umbrellakind! It has that umbrella made of razorblades! Heck, I could probably think of a way to use fncysntakind if I had enough time for it. Here's one- cmptrmskind.

[Edrobot]

GaeBolgKind: You'd think a legendary weapon would make a good Strife Specbus, but there's only one of them in the entire world, and while it's a guaranteed insta-kill you it's a hassle to clean off, plus you need to throw it with your feet.

[Mechajin]

I would say Badgekind, but then The World Ends with You flashed into my head. So uh... What about Clotheshngrkind?

[Boygenius32]

Moneykind. For the discerning millionaire needing to engage in combat.

[Sawkinator]

For fankind:
If you're fortunate enough to be famous, just throw your fans at your enemies. If they survive the encounter, they'll probably come back to you because their fanliness has blinded them to reason.

Pumpkinkind:
Your weapon will ALWAYS DISAPPEAR FUUUCK
Except on Halloween.

[WackoMcGoose]

brushKind: In terms of real-world practicality, you're basically just flinging paint at enemies. Maybe you can turn the brush around and try poking them in the eye with the handle. Once you get a Captcharoid or a Pictionary modus though (captcharoid would probably be more accurate), you could start using actually decent weapons like E. Gadd's Graffiti Brush (Mario Sunshine), or better yet, make like a certain Japanese wolf and use the Celestial Brush. Better hope the enemies drop Ink Grist though...

Let's see, what else do I have lying around... posterKind? No, that would probably be part of paperKind. gamecntrlrKind? Would only really be useful if someone prototyped a wireless-controller reciever thingy (and if you had a Sollux-level hacker in your group to make the controller actually send commands to enemies, in which case you could just control-jack the Black King and make him snap his own scepter broke-ways). frstgrdianKind? Whoa whoa whoa, back up the bus, what? Um... clockKind? If "Homestesque" is any example, I could just wear a watch on both hands and feet and boom, no need for fistKind or footKind specibi. Could be useful.

[ICan'tGiveCredit]

CageKind: If Nicholas Cage is within your vicinity, you can easily lift him up and throw him. But it's unlikely he'll even be near you as he's too busy making big bucks just for putting bunnies into boxes.

[Nyre]

^Boygenius: If you consider what some cultures have been used for currency...

Musinstrmkind: For those of you that want to make your band directors cry. Effective for sound-based attacks if you play really, really poorly. However, most instruments are too flimsy to use directly. Either that, or unwieldy (you try to lift a grand piano...). But this is the perfect specibi if your idol is El Kabong...

Punkind: The ULTIMATE of cruel fates. Unfortunately the most damage the enemies will deal is self-inflicted blows to the forehead. Earplugs for the user are almost a requirement.

Angrycatkind: Yes, this is effective if you can get said angry cat to the enemy... Good luck.

[Reecer6]

Moneykind could be useless, it depends on how you use it.

Also depends if you have gold bars laying around and if any currency is based on a gold standard currently.

[Blausky]

Here are some I came up with just now

Spoonkind: I could only imagine this being useful if your enemies are edible (and you want to eat them?) or if your spoon through upgrading/combining became so huge and heavy it resembled more of an oar than a spoon

Icepickind sounds incredibly useless if it means your weapons can melt at room temperature

Thumbtackind: useful if monsters are smaller than thumb or if they are balloon monsters

Hatkind: you would have to have an incredibly pointy hat to cause any real damage...

Here is a silly doodle I made in 5 minutes for Spoonkind

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[Boygenius32]

Here are some I came up with just now


Hatkind: you would have to have an incredibly pointy hat to cause any real damage...

Hatkind: Summon the forces of Red and Blu to your side with the rallying call of 'Stout Shako 2 Refined'

The poor, poor imps.

[Supermunchor]

unstableexplosivekind: really really cool until it inevitably blows up in your hand.

[Mechajin]

MesngrBagkind. It'd just be so unwieldy, and all your stuff would get broken

[Staff Deployment]

Moneykind could be useless, it depends on how you use it.

Also depends if you have gold bars laying around and if any currency is based on a gold standard currently.

Perfection.

[Karhs12]

I'd think Fireextkind would stand for Fire Extinguisher, which could be a decent club and also cold foam spray.
Also, any Specibus can become amazingly lethal with some alchemization. Lamp-Polearm with a laser cannon built in, for example.

Except hussieKind. Nobody can use hussieKind efficiently, not even the man himself.

[Staff Deployment]

Also, any Specibus can become amazingly lethal with some alchemization. Lamp-Polearm with a laser cannon built in, for example.

Naw that's cheating. That's like strapping a xylophone mallet to the side of a rocket launcher and calling it "hammerkind."

Also fire exits are less practical than fire extinguishers. Therefore, we must solely focus on the former.

[Boygenius32]

Naw that's cheating. That's like strapping a xylophone mallet to the side of a rocket launcher and calling it "hammerkind."

Also fire exits are less practical than fire extinguishers. Therefore, we must solely focus on the former.

Adding things in is fine, as long as it retains the primary characteristic. Like the PopOmatic's effects!

[Staff Deployment]

Well all of John's weapons boil down to "hit them with the heavy end" so as long as an enemy is getting hit with the heavy end of a hammer-shaped object he's in the clear. So strapping a lamp to the end of a laser-blasting jousting stick wouldn't count.

But yeah, upgrading any weapon sufficiently makes it more powerful and there's usually a few creative things you can do with these. Like using an umbrella made entirely out of razor blades, or using a giant hair dryer as a jet-pack.

[Atarlost]

A floor lamp is, at the heart of it, a long metal pole with a weight on one end. I think that would probably be in my top ten choices for strife abstractus. Barely. It'd be substantially higher if I had one of those big maglites.

[Sawkinator]

Hey, how about Magikarpkind? Utterly useless unless your enemies are allergic to fish.

Even if it were to evolve into Gyrados you wouldn't be able to wield it because your strife specibus would still be Magikarpkind.